A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Bars are only for picking up?I just wanted some opinions on this. We are a groupof women all ages from 29 to 46 who like to get together for some drinks and dancing. Ussualy its 4-5 of us getting together once a month. We pick a place,where they have nice music, nice crowd, good drinks and we have lots of fun.We are all happily married, with children,small and grown up. We all pretty, and yes, we talk to men who come up to us. We cant blame them for making an attempt, but we very often hear, so if you married why are you here, or so, and your husband is ok with his beatifull wife all by herself out in a bar?I hear it from my Dad, but he is from different generation, its understandable, but also hear it from my much younger friends that bars means that you are looking for a man. This is so far from the truth in this case. So we cant go outside our houses without our husbands. where are we suppose to go if not bars for some dancing and for couple of drinks?And then there are couple of women that sometimes join us that are in their 40s. Do you know how many times they were called 'cougars'? At first i didnt even know what it ment, but then i looked it up on line. It means and older woman who dresses younger that her age trying to pick up much younger guys.My friends dress nice but absolutely not inappropriate for their age, they are not even looking at guys at all when we are out. They are just there to have some fun and get out of the house. Basically my question is :is it a common opinon when women are in a bar, that they are there to pick up men? Even if they dont act like it?also, an older woman cant have as much fun out as a 22 year s old without being called cougar and assumption that she is hunting for someone old enough to be her son? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2012): Ok, well, I guess I got my answer: bars are for picking up for most people.
It's not going to stop me going there and have great time with girls as we did yesterday. I ll let others who think that this is why I go there thinkmwhatever they want to think.
Thank u all for your answers.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2012): OP posts:To the last answer:We don't need to go to bars to get man's attention, it can happen anywhere. we go out to get together just with girls. Also some of us stay home with kids, and for us going out is a way to see other faces for a change.There is a difference between a man and a woman. I engage in a chat that has absolutely no purpose all the time, everywhere I go. This is what we girls do, all the time. We own a jewelry store. I engage with meaningless chit chat with my customers all day long.My husband likes chit chatting also, so even men are different.And it's a pity that men think this is whatbwe are looking for when we are out. You mention that you don't approach women, and that's why you don't engage in conversation with them. That's another difference. We don't approach men, they approach us. And we don't want to be rude to them. Some men are having a hard time start talking to a woman they liked, and it's hard for them to come up to her. And we don't want to be harsh with them and immediately after a few words tell them to get lost.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2012): My wife goes out with her girlfriends for similar purposes as you have described. However, I have reached the conclusion that part of her "fun" is that she gets attention from men. Quite frankly, I really don't appreciate this. In part, while she finds most of the men laughable, at some point she will get attention from someone she does find attractive. It's a numbers game, and inevitable. Will she be tempted? Aside from this possibility, even if nothing ever comes of it, Why does she and her friends do this at all?
When I go out with the guys, we neither ogle nor flirt with girls. We don't even engage them in convo, except the waitress or barmaid. We are usually there to watch a game, have a beer after surfing or golf, hang out w our buds - not pick up on women. It is the sense of the guys around me that we would all find acting otherwise (flirting, ogling, "engaging in conversation" e.g. Flirting) to be disrespectful to our marriages.
Yes, the guys who approach you to chat are doing so in the hopes of hooking up. You are a married woman, so you know the answer to this question: does your husband like to engage in idle chit chat for no reason with strangers? No, men do not do this, unless there is a purpose to it.
My question is why do so many married women seek and thrive on single male attention. You like to pretend its not what you are wanting, but we all know that you do ( so long as the men are respectful and not too direct about it so as to keep up your facade).
You have probably noticed an edge to my response, and that is because I see this all around me: married women gushing about how they would love to F brad Pit, or how hot the college boy is visiting from school across the street, or some man on the beach, or someone else's husband, etc, etc, etc. their rationalization is, "Its just all girl talk it doesnt mean anything we would never act on it." sounds like "boys will be boys" from another generation. all the women I know feel free to constantly talk about their sexual attraction to other men, indulge in seeking male SEXUAL attention while out with their girlfriends, etc. meanwhile, the men, by in large, refrain from this sort of thing out of respect for their wives. It's like MAD MEN the TV show has been flipped upside down in the present day. WTF?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2012): I am just like you! I'm not married but I really enjoy going to the bars or clubs with my girlfriends, because I really enjoy dressing up nice, dancing, and having some good laughs with them, and that's it. We never want to be hit on, and like you, we would talk to strangers when they come up to us. However even to some of my other friends they would be wondering why we enjoy hanging out at the bars... And some even would say bad things about us. Its a very common perception I guess. But if you are happy you don't have to care about how others judge you, if your husbands dont have a problem I dont really see it a big problem.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2012): Thanks for answering, but it's not that I'm not interested to have a conversation with them, I m not interested to be hit on. I can converse, men or women doesn't matter, but I don't think men should assume that if I m talking to them it means anything sexual.
I also didn't mean onlookers that have wrong conclusions, I mean people that I know in my life, friends, relatives.
I travel plenty, I talk to strangers most of the time, lots of them are men. Hopefully, all these men don't think that because a woman talks to them they have a chance.
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A
female
reader, babygirllovej  +, writes (2 May 2012):
 There is nothing wrong with going out with your friends to have fun as long as your partner doesn't have a problem and you act responsibly. Bars are not just for singles!
However it seems you and your friends are getting quite the attention at the bars. Are you flirting or encouraging the men? When you chat with them do you let them know right away you are there just for fun and have someone at home? It might help if you let them know of the situation early on so that they don't get any ideas only to realize that you are taken.
If you are doing that then just ignore their taunting...they are just upset you are not available and the ladies are probably jealous you are getting attention.
Relax and have fun with your friends!
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