A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im in a four year + relationship and up until 2 years ago our relationship has been real rocky and we would both drink a lot. one night of intoxication has ruined me. i cheated and it haunts me even now that its out in the open. i love her so much and i want to make everything work out because i cant see myself without her and without our house. she said she forgives me and im so so happy but soon after she says we should have our child that we had been talking about before this information surfaced. I was so excited at the thought of having her as my life partner and agreed happily.....a little more reasoning and a little reading brought me to the question........is it fair to bring a child into a relationship that just experienced the biggest trust break ever thought possible? i love her with all my life and i would give my life for her but i dont think i can compell myself to give her New life just yet.....i feel like she needs to heal, even i need to heal as this event has turned me in all different directions emotionally and i find it hard to live with myself. i would do anything for her and sometimes i think that she wants this child now instead of later to solidify and recupperate what she lost in me......i hope that is not true for i would want nothing more than to fix what i have wronged and to give her the life she deserves. then another slap in the face, she deserves more than me, more than someone who has violated her trust....its kills me to realize this but what if she never forgives me. what if i can never have her back to a happy state......her happiness means it all to me and when i stated that our relationship needed to heal before a baby was considered (a week after knowing of the incident) she flipped out and essentially dumped me. it caught me off guard.....is it really true, after showing so much enthusiasm such a quick change of heart......i was in so much disbelief it took a while for my sadness and hopelessness to hit home.....then again how could she so easily forgive me? does she truly love me that much? i know i love her with all my heart and if we have a child i would lover her/him and my loving wife more than anything in this world and i have commited to stop drinking.....she said she would stop to but it would be the first time she tried......i fear for the child if she ever decides to leave me, which she is fully entitled to.......who would want to be with me? i just want to fade away with the world.... Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): stop being over dramatic. sit think and talk to her. if you want out of this relationship whihc is how it is comming accross to me from what your saying then jsut get out dont go on about how your faulty - everyone is everyone makes mistakes and everyone gets things wrong its if you want to fight to make it right. if that is waht you want then do it if not walk away. sorry if that sounds harsh but its all you can do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni have no answer to that......insecurity, i dont think i have grasped how to value a person.......try as i might i cannot be the good i want to be. i provide for my retiring parents, i support my brother and sister with school and needs....i provide male parenting for her little stepbrothers who no longer have a father.....and yet i falter...i dont know. my skin is so dry from the tears and i dont know what to do......the just part of me tells me to let her move on because i am shit and she deserves so much more. i may have a psychological issue since i have been cheated on several times by the same girl.....i do admit i had a drinking problem as i have even had a DWI.....then i straightened my life, went to school and graduated and started my life with her then i mistep again....why? is a question that will haunt me for the rest of my life......to add to the dilemma i think i may be infertile and sometimes i sit down and cry and think that maybe god didnt want me to procreate...maybe i am just meant to fall and dust myself off just to prepare to fall again. outside of this i consider myself a very caring person and a very giving person........but i cant even forgive myself for having fallen so low. my just side tells me to leave her walk her path and hold my tongue and let my heart wrenching pains live forever only with me........part of me wants to get down on my knees because in my heart i know all i ever want is a perfect life with a family and kids i can teach soccer to and read to and take to school and talk about life, and take fishing and the parks with my dogs its all i want in life....why has god made us so faulty? why am i so faulty? why cant i give the happiness that so much want to give.....i feel like im falling endlessly.......yesterday she told me to leave and i will keep my tears in silence and keep my pain to myself....i cannot add to hers.....how i wish one day she will come back healthy.......having learned how to love again. im really sad to say that i know realistically it cant be with me. thank you for listening in my sad sad isolated pain and world a part of me is dying and it sure feels like it....never again will a person as great as her come along, and i know i should and will suffer the consequences......i hope she finds a better half for herself. thank you for listenign.....it means a lot
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): my ex xheated on me, and after being hurt and upset believe it or not i forgave him within a few days of him being home. silly i know. i would have moved 60 miles from family and friends to be with him.
i believe that she is hurting and it will take time for trust to build up but if she does love you then she can forgive, i wont say forget and you will have to eat humble pie for a bit but she will forgive if she truely loves you.
i think your right to wait for a bit as her emotions, and yours, will still be going up and down and she will more than likely question you a lot more now.
i have one question to ask - why did you do it? alcohol or not, there is a reason you must have done it and until you figure that out there could be a possiblity of you doing it again, esp if it was whilst you were drinking last time it happened.
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