A
female
age
30-35,
*v21
writes:My male best friend and I have known each other for going on four years now, and I'm starting to notice a problem. He just graduated from our university a few weeks ago, but I still have one semester left. Since I'm from the Midwest and he's from New York State, I got an apartment in a town nearby so I could see him more often. However, he doesn't seem that pressed to see me. We only live 30 min. apart, but I rarely see him more than once or twice a week. In my opinion this is completely ridiculous, but he just says he's busy with family obligations, seeing old friends, etc. To me, this is especially upsetting because this past year at school, we were together pretty much 24/7 and share everything. We've run the gasket of friendship dramas (each other's family problems, living in different countries, becoming sexually involved, becoming romantically involved, my broken heart, his guilt, getting platonically close again) and he's always been emotionally distant (he's dealt with an alcoholic mother and a cheating father), but he's never been this hard to physically get a hold of. Am I being irrational, or am I right to expect to see him more often? Does he not want to be friends anymore, or am I just less important now that he's graduated? Am I just being one of those needy girls?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): Well, here's a totally different situation than any of you expect. My girlfriend hasn't had a boyfriend for 10 years, and now we're dating long distance. And she just doesn't communicate with me throughout the day as much as I need. She's okay with sending maybe one email or talking on the phone once. And to me, I have other friends that I interact with more than that!
So, for a realationship, I expect each person to WANT TO find time out of their day to communicate with the other, in ANY means they can because they want that person IN their life. Even if it's just a small text message during lunch, or a quick email response while going to the bathroom... But, I just don't get that from her. She could easily get by with out me... So, maybe she should.
BUT, that's why I definitely want attention from other women. I feel unloved and unwanted by my own girlfriend some days, and it just gets really tiring waiting to hear from someone that I should be hearing from WAY more. And there are MANY other girls that would love to at least communicate with me, if not be happy to reach out and be with me. And she just fits me in when it's the most convienent for her. So, maybe I'm the fool in trying to love her despite this... And maybe I should let her go so she can stay focused on herself, and I can find someone who is interested in having a REAL relationship.
However, I'm about to move there to see if it will be any better at a closer distance. Scares the hell out of me since I don't even know if I'm loved some days. Heck, she doesn't even know how to love someone and selflessly try to meet their needs. So, here's hoping it will get better. BUT, until it does, oh yeah. I'm going to be online chatting with friends and girl friends that ACTUALLY DO want to talk to me and share their lives. Who knows, maybe I'll end up with one of them instead because this girlfriend ends up never really giving towards the relationship.
A
female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (1 June 2009):
 I think he has lots of things going on and you are part of life but not in the special relationship way that you see it. If you like him I would hold back a bit. You are not coming across as needy but I would now start waiting for him to come to you. As you say it is only 30 mins and he knows where you live. I also think considering you made the effort to move nearer that he should see more of you but obviously this isn't how he sees it. I have a friend who lives 50 mins away and I regularly go and see her and make the effort but she never can be bothered to come to me. I would try and build up some more friends in your new place to begin to fill the void and not just sit there hoping he may want to come over. The more assertive, disinterested and independent you are the more interested he will become. I genuinely think he probably has a lot going on and is enjoying his pals and all that and I wouldn't be upset by his lack of visiting/ communication but if you want him I would back off a bit and let him make the effort of phoning, coming to you.
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A
female
reader, av21 +, writes (1 June 2009):
av21 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnna,
You're probably right. I guess it's the harsh switch from being together all the time to seeing him less that's throwing me off. Thanks!
Anonymous,
You may be right. He's the only best friend I've ever had, as well as the only relationship I've ever been in, so maybe though the relationship part is over, I'm still mixing up the two. Thanks for your honesty.
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A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (1 June 2009):
 Hey,
I would give him the space that he needs. Obviously something is up with him, that he rather not share at this moment. I know you guys were close and now it seems like you have been deleted. I don't think you are a needy person, but you are over analysing at this point. Guys are just like that sometimes, they get overwhelmed and then realise it and then do a complete speedy reverse.
Just give it time. If you have called, left a message, emailed, faxed, texted and all but given a smoke signal...leave it be...if he values you as a true and trusted friend, he'll come around with an explantion.
Ana
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