A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Is "I don't have a boyfriend" an invitation to ask her out? Basically there's this girl I really like since a couple of years but I but never asked her out because I was unemployed and didn't have a car or a place of my own. Now that I'm better off, I feel responsible enough to pursue a serious relationship. I am sure she was into me when we first met but it fizzled out because I wouldn't make a move. I have been close with her since we met and recently,when I was poking fun at her about something she retorted with "I don't have a boyfriend". I don't want to make things weird and ask her out if she isn't into me like she first was and ruin what is a warm friendship. I have been getting mixed signals lately so I don't know if I should go for it or not. She is a wonderful person so it'd be amazing if I could have a woman like her as my partner but at the same time I know things won't be the same as friends if I make a move (past experiences) and the feeling isn't mutual. Your two cents? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (19 January 2018):
 Look at it this way, either ask her out on a date and she responds positively or you just leave it because you don't want to risk the friendship and she ends up dating someone else.
Would you rather of took the plunge and maybe develop things into a relationship or sit around wondering whether to and someone else swoops in and you lose your chance?
Just do it, you may lose a friend or gain a GF from it. I'm sure you can make other friends in future if things go sour. If they do, learn from this to make your move quicker.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 January 2018):
 You should have been faster on the "trigger" there, OP
When she said: "I don't have a BF" you should have asked : "do you want one?" - perfect opportunity wasted! (just kidding, OP) but it would have been a nice icebreaker and could have been used as a joke in case her reply was no...
You say you are friends, but how is your friendship? Do you talk/text a lot or do you DO things together (like - I don't know) bowling or movies or whatnot?
If not suggest something and just go from there. Do you guys TALK about relationships?
"I don't have a BF" isn't automatically an invitation to try and date her, but it's also NOT a "I don't WANT date anyone". It can just be a statement of facts.
On the downside you have a girl who WAS into you in the beginning and when nothing happened that cooled. Which CAN make it hard to reignite.
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A
male
reader, Allumeuse +, writes (19 January 2018):
Just ask her man, you may risk the friendship but you want to be her boyfriend. There is no way to divine how she meant 'I don't have a boyfriend' other than the exact meaning of those words in that order. You can discern that there is one more reason that she won't say no, but you still have to ask!
Asking someone out is fraught with risk, there's no way to full insulate yourself from these risks. The risk is that she'll say no and your friendship will be different. The benefit is that she might say yes, BUT ALSO that you can stop wondering. I have always found uncertainty more awful that even negative certainty. That's my 'tuppence'.
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