A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 13 years (happily I thought). This is a second marriage for both of us. We recently bought a beutiful new home, have good jobs and both of my children have moved ot and have lives of their own. When my children were living with us we did have some difficult times, because they never got along well with my husband. Last evening after a very minor disagreement, my husband suddenly told me he wanted a divorce, that he wasn't happy,that he felt we had always had a rocky relationship etc. I was in shock and at first thought it wasn't real, but after breaking down myself, crying and begging him that we could work it out nothing changed. During this time of my "mental breakdown" he remained perfectly calm, showing no emotion or caring for the state that I was in. He kept repeating calmly that he would be fair and respectful during the break-up and suggested that I call my family to come as I would need emotional support. My sister's arrived quickly and were there for me emotionally. I continued to breakdown, crying, asking for answer's and trying to work it out. During this time with my family present, he remained detached and said that he wasn't happy and that we needed time apart. After an extended period of time of this back and forth, my sister insisted that I leave the house for the night as she felt his reactions were very atypical ( he is normally a very caring and emotional person) and she was fearing for my safety. We left for the night, and very early this morning I called him to see if he had a change of heart and he said that he did stll love me and wanted me to come home and work it out. He said that he felt that he had an emotional brekdown due to a build up of stress ( he has a very stressful Job) and that he just couldn't cope with anything at the time. He also said that he felt that I hadn't cared for him lately and that I hadn't been showing him enough affection. I did return and since this time we have been talking and trying to sort things out. I love him with all of my heart and want to believe that his behavior was a result of a mental breakdown, but I am scared that it will happen again. I feel he needs to get some help. Could this be a sign of depression or could he really want to end the relationship, but just has cold feet?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): this is not normal. he wanted a divorce, no one just blurts this out, he has thought about this and he meant it. what has changed no one knows. yes you are back but please be wise. check finances, who he comes in contact with. a lot of men have emotional relationships with other friends/colleagues, they promise to leave their spouses, ask for a divorce then chicken out. is this what he did. you have every right to be concerned but do not have the carpet pulled from you again. investigate him- do not just put all this down to emotional stress at work. it means that he prepared for this and he backed off. something happened. who has he discussed this with?? you have a lot of questions to be answered and be the dutiful caring loving wife and check up on him and his associations. you will be surprised at what you find. this incident means that your hb cannot be truested. it means that one day he will throw you away without a moments notice. be prepared for that event - it may happen next month or never. but make sure you have money saved up ( he must never know), make certain you are ready of anything he drops your way. he meant it when he said he wanted a divorce, he just chickened out. so why you both are now together carry on as hb and wife BUT please find out why.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank You for your reply. I think you are correct,that with time and patience we will work it out! Right now I am dealing with a lot of insecurity over the things he said, but I should probably try and keep this to myself to prevent from damaging the situaution further. Thank you so much for your encouragement!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (18 January 2010):
This is a typical male reaction to lots of stress. He finally exploded and said something he rejected. Your sister actually did you a huge favour by getting you away, because it gave him time to realize he does love you and he said the wrong thing. If he's under a lot of stress, right now he just needs you to have patience and be understanding. He does still love you, and has said so. The chances are you can work this out. Don't pressure him, don't ask him how he's feeling or anything like that. Just listen to him when he opens up, and make sure you reassure him that you love him. Tell him you are there for him. He just needs to feel needed to be honest, and just needs a little space to think. If you can both work this out, you'l be fine. And I think you can. Just give him space and when he come to you, listen.
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