A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys just wanted some advice on this matter. Okay what it is, is I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now I love him to bits he says hour loves me too. However I just feel he's extremly selfish like he will always think about himself and never go out his way to do things for me. For instance we've been together for 2 of my birthdays and the first birthday he never got me a present on my birthday even though we spent the whole day together, didn't really offer to treat on that day either and ohh I was 18 as well we where together 5 months then. My birthday just gone, he again never got me a present and stil hasn't. I just felt as though he didnt make an effort to get me anything even if it was something small I would have appreciated it because I know he went out of his way to get me. He never takes me out never treats me, never does anything for me. But I do a lot for him like I'll go out and think about what I should get him for his birthday, make him lunch nearly every day, borrow him money whenever he needs it. I do him loads of favours. I just feel I'm giving a lot in this relationship but I'm not getting anything back, he's the sweetest guy and takes care of me and we have a great sex life, we have so much fun together but its just his selfishness that's going to break us. I've told him exactly what I've told you guys and he says he's sorry and he'll change but I don't know whether he will, I don't want to carry on this relationship if he's gonna carry on taking but not giving, he does have money problems but he works on the weekends. Please give me your thoughts. Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2010): Look, this guys sounds like a moocher. Actions speak louder than words and his actions clearly says that ultimately he cares only for himself. I just got out of a relationship with someone like your BF and in retrospect wonder why the heck I wasted my time on someone who's just there for the ride. Real men take care of there women, not the other way around. Don't listen to his apologies because his selfishness is in his character...and is going to take an act of God to change. You can do better, , don't settle.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2010): I have been in your position and have asked for change but in the end gave up because I was sick of being in a one-sided relationship. It is possible that your boyfriend doesn't understand how important more effort is to you or thinks that a gesture has to cost a lot of money. But since you described him as selfish and he doesn't even treat you on your birthday it is more likely that he takes you for granted or is just a selfish person. This generally doesn't change because you ask, so it is up to you to decide what you want. If you are generous and giving in the long run you will tire of this and there are plenty of men out there who will buy you a birthday present without you having to ask for one.
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A
male
reader, alex_thekind  +, writes (20 June 2010):
Hey you kinda sound like me, and this girl im trying to make things better with. I do exactly what you do, and it seems to not make a change. I have had a huge talk with her and as of right now same thing. she seems to call me only when she needs something or just to say hi and nothing more. It is sad because i do so much nice things for her. there is times i have canceled plans, appointment, ditched other friends, for her etc. just to spend a minute of my time with her. but i have come to conclusion. people like them never change, and they are "golden" when they run into a kind person, that actually gives a shit in there lives, and they pretty much just take and take. saying and doing the minimum to keep you interested and not to leave them. U should really test this guy, start having more girls nite's out or having some more girl time, or whatever it is you girls do.
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