A
male
age
41-50,
*ondiego
writes:So, my girlfriend and I of two years broke up. the last year we were living together. We got into a fight and she left the house didn't come home that night. first time she ever did that in a fight. everything was going good the weeks before. I found out she cheated on me. she cheated on me that night we got into a fight. i found out two days later, i was pissed, i packed my stuff and left. for the last month i didn'tcall her went days, but she would always find something to complain to me about cuz we were on are last month of the lease and needed to comunicate through that, Or she would call me crying because she didn't know what she was going to do, wanted me to come back home but it was to late now. all while she started dating and got into a relationship with the guy she cheated on me with. now I went a month without seeing her. I hated her for what she did, but are lease was up and we need to get the house move out ready cuz i wanted my deposit back. As we were clearing and cleaning the house out, she said she couldn't take, It was are house, and repeatedly told me how sorry she was, how misserable she was, how much she hated her new life. told me she hugged me and told me she still loved me. I told her i don't know what to tell you. then i was currios to see if she was just lying to me or if she really was hurting, looked at her new boyfriends myspace page were she left a coment of how happy she was with him, her new place ect.... im a bit confused but then again she lied and cheated on me so she was probably lying to me when we were clearing things out, or she new i might look at his myspace and try to get me mad. either way i never called her out on it or acknowledged it. then two days later i had some stuff in my truck she left at the house i wanted to drop off so there would be no reason for her to call me anymore. after i dropped the stuff off she asked if i wanted to get food, i said ok cuz i was hungery. she askes during dinner if im seeing anyone, i said hanging out with people but focusing on me mainly. then she said that we should have dinner more offten because she doesn't want to go a month with out seeing me again. I'm thinking in my head "WHAT" you have a new boyfriend that you leave i miss you messages to and how happy he makes you messages, and you want to hang out with me her and there. my guess is this guy is a bandade, and since i been leaving her alone and not talking to her, making her call me, she leaves messages on his page out in the open to get a rise out of me. I find it quite comical, because its not like her to flaunt out in the open like that for eveyone to see. she is more of a tell you in person, e-mail private type. all in yes I'm hurt, it sucks, im not sure what she is trying to do, I have been doing the right thing by not answering her calls or if i do let it go for a few days. my questions are, is she playing games and is it making her mad im not cracking? and is this new guy just a bandade for her, because she knows she hurt me, and i've refused to play her game? I know i need to move on which will be easier now that there are no obligations with the house we were renting, and I have no reason to talk to her anymore, it still hurts. I just don't get her. most of my previous break ups sucked but at least the girl moved on and didn't look back when we were over. why cant she just do that?
View related questions:
broke up, cheated on me, move on, myspace Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (3 August 2009):
Good for you!
A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (3 August 2009):
 CONGRATULATIONS!I am sorry you had to arrive at the point especially with someone you obvioulsy loved. But making them insignificant really does help in the long run.The air smells nicer, the days look brighter, and you feel better knowing you were true to yourself, and that you are deserving of respect.There is a world out there just waiting for you...
...............................
A
male
reader, dondiego +, writes (3 August 2009):
dondiego is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo, here's an update!
Thank you for your advice! I have taken the road of erasing her from my life! She called a few times I did not answer nor return her calls or text messages. I feel great now like the burden of her has been lifted from me. thank you, thank you , thank you
...............................
A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (4 July 2009):
SHE CHEATED ON YOU! WHY DIDNT YOU KICK HER ASS OUT?? YOU SHOULD HAVE CALLED HER NEW BOYFRIEND TO COME PICK HER UP!!!
Your girl cheated on you, why even give the piece of shit the time of day? You need to understand that she sees "SUCKER" on your forehead.
She thinks she can pull you back, and maybe keep you in Limbo(i.e. giving you enough rope to feel like wanting to be back with her while she is getting boned by her new guy, and she will continue to keep you on this string until she decides whether her new cock is gonna work out).
Please understand I have been in your position before, and it took me 20 damn years to fall in love again only to have it happen yet again. Cheaters are extremely flawed individuals, and there is no reason trying to figure out why they cheat. They do it because they can and they don't care who they hurt. Plain and simple.
Do not expend another ounce of energy mulling this over in your mind, because if you do, I guarantee you will cave and she will pull this crap on you all over again
You seem pretty wrapped up in this, and she is pulling all your strings. So my advice to you is to make this bitch insignificant. You did not mention children thank god.
Imagine what this would have been like had you been married with kids and a mortgage? It would have been way harder that it is now. But you can do this!
Get up. dust yourself off, and cut her out of your life. Let this skank be this other guys problem, cuz she will do it to him as well!
...............................
A
female
reader, applebite8821 +, writes (4 July 2009):
 I agree more with our anonymous aunt here, I really think your ex wants you back and is in fact playing mind games with you. The only problem is that, she cannot live without a man by her side thats why she sticks to this new boyfriend. But i believe that once you decide to go back with her, she will dump him.
It's true, her cheating on you might be just a way to punish you that night. This new guy is just a second choice. I don't know..this is only my opinion. Generally speaking, women who have moved on and especially if they found a new love wont waste time begging you back or bothering you. Why would she do that if she's happy with her new guy?
My suggestion is this, never ever call her but if she calls to beg you again, here's what you should do:
1. Ask yourself if you still love her and if you are willing to take her back. Do you forgive her and do you think you can trust her again after all that has happened? Are you willing to forget the past and never to mention it again? If yes to all these things then..
2. Once she calls to beg you again, meet up with her. be honest with her. Don't play mind games. Tell her you still have feelings for her but you can't share her with another guy. It's either him or you. That should be your condition. If it's you she chooses, then you will take her back ONLY after she dumps him. And never to communicate with him again. Nothing more, nothing less.
3. You will know how she is willing to be with you again if she agrees with all these things. But this is not a guaranteed happy ending. Prepare to be hurt again some other time. I believe the past will always surface as it is your history together. So it's really up to you if you love her enough to be willing to swallow all these things.
Well, even if you don't admit it. The fact that you wrote here and is bothered by her behavior is a very strong indication that you still want her in your life.
Lastly,
...............................
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (4 July 2009):
This girl seems all sorts of confused. She doesn't know what she wants. I think you are doing the right thing, and don't give into her. She is insecure and afraid of being alone. She cheated on you, and now that you don't want her, she's chasing you. It's human nature, we want what we can't have.
I don't think she's trying to play games with you, I think she's just confused herself. She wants to have her cake and eat it too; however, it's the real world and things just don't work out that way.
Stay strong and stay away from her. Don't give her the benefit of hanging out with her, she doesn't deserve it. Cut her out of your life. She won't go away until you cut off communication. If she's "so unhappy" so what? It's her problem, she made it that way. There are consequences to every action, she chose an action where the consequences are she doesn't get to keep her boyfriend and see someone else. Focus on yourself for sure, then find a girl that realizes you're special and won't cheat on you.
...............................
A
female
reader, FreeAdvice +, writes (4 July 2009):
 I agree with Tux, he's absolutely right. Once someone cheats on you they will probably do it again. If she really wanted you back she wouldn't have a boyfriend. When you're hurting you don't go right out and get a new boyfriend I guarantee you that. Things will get better and you'll find some one who wont cheat on you or make you feel like crap. Tell her to leave you alone and that it's over... be rude if you need to but get your point across that you don't need her bullcrap any more.
Hope all works out you sound like a good guy with a good head on your shoulders, don't let any one walk all over you you're worth more then that.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2009): obviously you have every right to be extremely upset over the fact that your girlfriend cheated on you. i think it would be a completely different situation if you weren't in a fight when she did it. being in a fight is still no excuse to cheat, don't get me wrong. she probably wanted to show you something by cheating... i'm not sure what your fight was about but i'm pretty positive that your girlfriend was convinced she was right in the situation at the time. maybe by cheating she wanted to show you that if you don't treat her properly, she will go and find someone else. since she was upset, she probably didn't realize the consequences that cheating usually results in a break up. she hoped that you would realize there are consequences for treating her wrong. after she realized you wouldn't tolerate her cheating, she probably felt like an idiot and regretted it tremendously. i honestly believe she misses you and regrets it completely. i don't think she would still be calling you months after if she didn't want you back and just wanted to mess with your mind. since you dated for two years, you must know very well that she doesn't like being public and showy about her feelings... i agree with you that she most likely is leaving him those comments to make you feel jealous that she's moving on... but every opportunity she has to attempt to get you back she will take because deep down she knows if she could have you again she would be much happier. because she can't have you, she is with another guy as a second choice. if you've been broken up for months and you're still thinking about this, you must still have lasting feelings for her... i think the best solution would be to make another one of those dinner dates she suggested. while you're there, you should talk seriously about your current relationship. you should be honest and tell her what you're feeling, what you want from a relationship, and have her answer your questions because no one can tell you for sure what she is feeling or what she wants besides her. you should tell her how much she hurt you which is why it was so hard for you to take her back. honestly, i normally believe in the saying 'once a cheater, always a cheater' but in this instance i think it is different because unless she had cheated on you before this fight, she wasn't cheating on you for her pleasure or because she was unhappy in the relationship long term... it was because of your fight that night. i think you'll both be happier if you can forgive each other and get back together. you'll only move on with no regrets if you can figure out what both of you are feeling and want or you might let a very great relationship with a girl you obviously really like pass you by... i hope this helped you.
...............................
A
male
reader, tux +, writes (4 July 2009):
 I think that you are personally forgetting about her, move on and stop contact with her.. She cheated on you and even if she changed her mind, she is still with that other guy while trying to get you back. I don't think anyone is worth going after if they have insurance in their back pocket and plus you've tried a relationship with her once, I don't think she is showing any changes in her behavior..
...............................
A
female
reader, laura585 +, writes (4 July 2009):
I think she knows what she did was a mistake and she probably really is sorry- but at the same time she is actually into her new guy. I highly doubt she is leaving comments on HIS myspace for the sole purpose of "getting a rise out of you" because afterall, he reads them too. Whether or not she loves this new guy is questionable because she is turning back to you. Basically she is just sitting on the fence between the two of you- she wants to try to salvage things with you so if her and this new guy dont work out she can run back to you. But she obviously isnt leaving the new guy for you. You need to move on, dont check his myspace, or hers, continue ignoring her calls and let her live with the choice she made. Otherwise you will seem spineless and if you two decide to get back together she will walk all over you, because she knows you will take her back. Shes playing games because she is immature and doesnt want to live with the choice she made- you should make her live with it- you deserve better.
...............................
|
