A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my girlfriend says she has a disease called S.A.D. (social anxiety disorder) and she hates doing anything with me around other people (drinking, or just hanging out) and acts completely different around me than her friends. around her friends she turns into an extremely flirty person and likes to blow coke but for some reason she wont even drink with me. why does it seem she doesnt do anything with me but when she is not around me she turns wild and crazy? Is her disease even real? if so is it so serious it needs therapy or medical attention or could i just expose her to more social activities?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2009): I have social anxiety and panic disorder. I used to have agarophobia also. (so messed up) and I will tell you, my boyfriend of 15 months doesn't like it because I can't go on dates with him, my friends hate it because I can't go too far with them unless I have my Mum (security blanket) ha ha. I go to the show each year and its packed. I freak out and clench my fists, feel like im going to throw up and cant escape. It is bad. My boyfriend isnt very supportive and it makes me extremely upset as I can't help it. S.A.D is real, and it is nasty to have. I suggest you encourage her but don't push her. And if she feels uncomfortable, let her leave. But, don't threaten the relationship if she is too scared as it may cause problems in the future.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): It's real and it's horrible I know it because I think I have it. You should support her because it's hell. You truly feel something terrible is going to happen to you at any moment for no reson at all. We know it's not normal and it's not rational but cannot help feeling like that. Never push her into anything social or she'll hate you for it, plus you'll aggravate her situation. She needs to be in control of her social life. That could be the reason why she acts differently with them. Medications help a lot and counseling maybe but the thing that helped me the most was going to a christian evangelical church. If it's too much for you I understand. But staying with her if you love her shows a lot of maturity from your part.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): Social anxiety disorder isn't something a person can contract. Therefore, it is not a disease.
Social anxiety disorder is something many people have on varying levels. Some people have it worst, where they hide away in the privacy of their own home away from what they feel are prying eyes and ears. They even become paranoid of how others think and feel about them. Others with lesser 'symptoms', do not feel comfortable in social settings or in places with strangers. Eg: malls, libraries, pedestrian streets, parties, etc.
Exposing her to more social activities will not help in most cases. She has to be willing to be exposed in the first place. However, what you could do, is try to find out what she likes to do - eg: maybe she likes animals. So you can bring her to the zoo. Maybe she likes fields of wheat and corn. Bring her to a farm.
Basically, you have to work with her patiently, slowly and gradually. If you force her into a social setting with too many overwhelming factors, she may retreat completely and try to hide away even more.
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HOWEVER, what I've said above applies towards someone who has Social Anxiety Disorder. Your girlfriend seems to have something else. On the other hand, it is possible that her SAD is not affected by her friends, but that doesn't explain how she can be flirty and 'open' when she is with her friends. It's like Dr. Jackal and Mr. Hyde.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (8 July 2009):
 If her idea of social activities is snorting cocaine then you I'd say she needs therapy and medical attention. I wouldn't expose her to more "social activities"....you could end up busted.
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