A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So basically, I've been seeing this guy (let's call him C) for 2 and a half months now, I've been keeping count! I don't know about anyone else, but I think 2 and half months is a while to be "seeing" someone and acting like a couple in public and around each others friends and the friends we have made together but not even be official yet! My friends and a few of mine and C's close friends think so too.I've never brought the subject of him asking me properly to be his girlfriend up, I thought I'd just leave it and wait to see what happens, but the truth is, it's really starting to bug me. Especially when he has met the majority of my close family and I've met the majority of his, and whenever a new family member of his crops up, he always introduces me as "This is K, my girlfriend." So I don't really understand why he hasn't made things official.It sounds silly, but not actually being his girlfriend kind of feels like I have no say in anything at all, because well, I'm not his girlfriend am I?The other night we were about to go to sleep and he started talking away about how he doesn't like putting labels on things and he's apprehensive that if he does ask me to be his girlfriend (officially) that putting a label on it will just lead to things turning sour.I just listened to everything he was saying and agreed and then went to sleep, I didn't know what to say to that at all, my problem is I really really like him and at first waiting didn't seem so bad..My question really is, what do I do?! Is he worth my time?Do I wait another 2 and a bit months to be his girlfriend and actually feel secure about this relationship?Do I ask HIM to be my boyfriend?! I don't know what to do and being honest all this waiting is just tearing me apart. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (11 February 2013):
 Ok let me get this straight… you have been “seeing” him for 2.5 months. You act like a couple, your friends view you as a couple… he introduces you as his girlfriend… you sleep together at least once in a while (not sex but sleeping over like a couple)….
So the only thing is he has to ASK you to be his GF when he’s already treating you like it?
In what way are you NOT boyfriend and girlfriend? I don’t get this whole ASKING thing…. Sometimes you just fall into it…
Or is this just a “are we seeing other people” kind of question… because that I can understand needing to know… IF you know he’s not seeking other girls and your not seeking other boys I can’t see what else needs to be clarified.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2013): "So I don't really understand why he hasn't made things official."Because he has no reason or incentive to make things official when you're already sleeping with him. He is enjoying all the benefits of having an "official" girlfriend (regular and frequent sex) with none of the disadvantages (commitment, obligation, fidelity). Why would he be foolish enough to put himself in a postion where he'd be subjecting himself to your expectations and demands when he wouldn't be getting anything more from you than what you're already giving up, which is all he wants? As my grandmother would have said to my mother many years ago if my mother was being similarly strung along for no-strings sex (which was out of the question in her day) by a smooth-talking con artist, "Why buy the cow when the milk is free?"As incredible as it may sound, a young woman of your age group and nationality posted a virtually identical sob story within the past two days, although this other young woman accurately characterized her tacitly agreeing to continue being nothing more than her f*ck buddy's f*ck buddy as "stupid." http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-he-worth-my-time-anymore-he-says.html I suspect the aunts who responded to this other young woman would consider their advice to her as also being 100% applicable to your situation, even though you might not want to hear that some people would consider two-and-a-half months to be a very short time to be already regularly and frequently sleeping with a random virtual stranger with no promise of a relationship, even though you might call it "a while" and the previous poster described it as "a long, long time."
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (10 February 2013):
 I also had an situation where my ex introduced me to his family as girlfriend, then broke a week later, only because I told him it would be rude for him to go out to a store, leaving my son, and my dad at the hotel when we had a big family dinner 30 minutes later. That I don't give him space when he is distressed, yada yada.
I am interpretating what sour means to him. It means that when you have a label, it is him who has no say on how he spends his free time. I am guessing he not only has a problem on the label, but what a relationship actually means to him. It means that he has to woo you every single day when his natural instinct makes him lazy after a while. It means he is responsible for you and your family's well being when he might rather be alone or spend more time with his friends.
I don't blame him for not wanting to be in a relationship, at this young age. For you, without a lable means: you act like his girlfriend in public but in private he can diss you when he feels tired and bored. You try harder to please him hoping to get a label such as cooking and cleaning after him but nothing ever happens. You try to convince and inspire why a relationship is a good idea but that only backfires on you.
You are attached to him now but imagine if these are the same words coming from his mouth the day you dated him, would you be put off by his statement?
My advice is not to tell him to do anything, or push a relationship with him. You can only tell him how you can't open up in a relationship when you don't feel secure and cherished. It's not about who's right who's wrong. I just feel there are more optimistic men out there who don't attach this negative attitude onto relationships, and that you will be a better match for a man more eager to claim you as girlfriend.
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