A
female
age
41-50,
*b6471
writes:Here is my situation I have been married for 9 years together for 13 years. We also have 5 children I have anyone else to ask. About a month ago I told my husband to give my daughter her phone back he said he needs to change the number first because his friends send dirty messages. I said ok then later that night the phone was going off I noticed he had a security code on it. So I asked him to show me he didn't want to and showed me the calls wouldn't let me see images or contacts. I know your wondering why am I not minding my own business. A year ago this happen but he left his phone and a women was texting him when I called the number and saw images on his phone of this person she said she never slept with him and has her images on the web.So this why I don't know what to do, I would mine if it's porn but when I bust him watching it he has always says he wasn't he doesn't like that. I have even offered we watch it together he says he doesn't like porn. He can have sex anytime with me, but we don't even have sex only if he wakes up in the middle of the night wanting it. Then it's like he doesn't remember he thinks I started it. We have been arguing alot. He told me we need to stop that and work it out I agreed then when I speak my mind to him he gets angry. I told him I'm not perfect and if that's what you expect then this will not work. He jumped on me about changing I honestly think he means me only.I also thinks he is using something I just don't know what. Ive never questioned him but now I do. He said he is going to Change but I don't know if I should believe him. We have kids Im tired of them hearing us like this. If he is using something I know he would need help to change, but what if he doesn't what should I do
View related questions:
porn, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cat lady +, writes (6 January 2011):
 Haha! Below is my FIRST response and I'd thought it had been rejected because it was the only answer I'd written that didn't show up so I took a little more time with the second one. You can see my first reaction was a little more......direct, but I don't mind you seeing what it was. I have a problem with guys who'd be so inconsiderate as to scare their own families with irrational behavior and I have a lot of experience working with people on the, shall we say, WRONG side of the law.
A
female
reader, cat lady +, writes (6 January 2011):
Well, there's one problem you already know he has: lying. It's the unnecessary lies, I find a bit troubling here. When a man tells you a necessary lie, it's usually for a practical reason, for example, he'll be thinking, "I'm fooling around on the side and if she catches me, she'll kick me so far, it'll take my dogs a week to find me, so I'd better think up a story for where I was last week." That's a practical solution for him; not a very nice one, but it serves a definite purpose.
On the other hand, if you find him watching porn and even volunteer to watch it with him, why tell you he isn't doing it and doesn't like it? So what's he doing with it, research for a thesis? And what's this with your daughter's phone? He actually told you HIS friends were sending dirty messages on it? Who in his right mind would tell that to his wife - if he wasn't breaking the national track record out the door at the same time?
If this is a sudden change in behavior, you might have a reason to watch for drug use or mental breakdown. Infidelity is just not sufficient explanation for the bad temper and those unnecessary lies. When you say you've never questioned him before, I'm not really sure what you mean. Do you mean you've never been given a reason to doubt that what he tells you is the truth or do you mean that you accepted whatever you get from him without question or complaint?
Whatever your husband is up to IS your business, lady. You two have five children and what he does and how he treats you is going to affect all of you together. Now, what is it you think he might be 'using?' Something he has done has made you suspect this; no smoke without fire. Are there any physical symptoms other than a sudden change is disposition?
If it's anything illegal, you need to find out NOW, however you can; use any trick in the book. Last thing you need is your front door kicked in on a drug bust and having yourself accused along with him; you could even lose your children. This is deadly serious. Sorry to scare you if there turns out to be no base for these fears but better too much caution than not enough.
Then, lets stir your daughter into the pot. How does THAT look? Your daughter's phone......is it registered in her name? Is she under legal age? And there's porn and hanky-panky from strange women on 'adult' websites on it? Uh oh! Here comes C.P.S. to ruin your day too! If you think YOU are making a mountain out of a molehill, you haven't seen the real professionals on the job. They can conjure something out of absolutely nothing and have your whole family's reputation destroyed before the week is out.
Get the truth out that man, lady. If he frightens you or threatens you, you must find the will to defend yourself with whatever it takes. Far better for the aggressor to need a little patching up than you. It's not just your marriage that's at stake here; it's the welfare of your whole family. Do not back down. Nobody has the right to make you live in fear. If you've had five children, you are no weakling. You either rule your domestic life or you don't have one; that's the sad truth. I only wish more women understood this. Trust your own strength; you have far more of it than you seem to think.
...............................
A
female
reader, cat lady +, writes (6 January 2011):
You shan't see ME wondering why you don't mind your own business, for your husband's behavior IS your business! Seems to me he might be 'using something.' What else could account for such a sudden lack of self-control around his own family? Got access to money? Get a private detective and if he's using "controlled substances," call the cops. He can't just pretend he's getting help then; rehab will be mandatory. If you can't get hold of his money, call a lawyer and the courts will give you most of it. He may also be messing around on the side and somehow, those two things may go together. "Never questioned him?" I think Lincoln freed the slaves a long time ago....
...............................
|
