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anonymous
writes:
I met my new boyfriend via an on-line dating agency. He lives 200 miles away. However, both of us have retired early so have few time commitments. We met for the first time just over a week ago when he stayed with me for the weekend. We got on very well.
Although he spoke a number of times about visiting me again, he did not suggest even a tentative date. I didn't pursue the subject as I didn't want to seem pushy or desparate! My boyfriend is not backward in coming forward so wouldn't have been shy about suggesting another visit had he wished to do so!
Since then we have spoken a number of times by phone - but the subject of another meeting has not been touched on except vaguely. Today, out of the blue when he phoned me he asked if he could stay with me for one night next week as he has to attend a personal meeting in town the following day. I asked him why he couldn't stay a bit longer and he replied yes, he could, as if he would be doing me a big favour?
I think that if he wishes to maintain our relationship, as he had to come to my town anyway and has few constraints on his time, he would automatically have taken the opportunity to visit me for a few days. He told me that he intended to meet me again, 'properly', as he put it, at a later date - but had been advised of the meeting at short notice.
I think that he didn't want to arrange another 'proper' meeting with me so quickly as this would be getting involved too soon for his liking - but couldn't resist the opportunity of getting a free night's lodging rather than having to fork out for a hotel! Therefore, he's using me. Do you agree?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2006): I am almost in the same situation as you right now. I went on a date with him only once but he didnt ask me to see me again since then. I kept on wondering why he doesnt ask me to meet up with him again.
'Is he not interested in me any more?' 'Is he too shy to see me?'
So i decided to invite him to one of my friends' party. I had an amazing time with him that evening because neither of us were nervous as there was music playing and loads of people around. We pulled and danced for ages. I guess he just wanted to take things slow and we just needed a good opportunity to see each other again.
Don't think he's using you. He drives 200 miles to see you? if he just needed somewhere to stay, he would definitely just book a cheap hotel. I wish my guy did that.... Good luck and continue getting to know him better.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2006): i think you are spending to much time wodering what his next move is,why dont you just say "hey fancy another date?" if you dont then just move on ,he aint the only man on this planet.As for him staying with you overnight,you dont even know him well enough.In my opinion your acting desperate,when you meet MrRight you wont need an agony aunt to give you advice.Good luck and Take care..
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female
reader, stormynights +, writes (2 May 2006):
No, I don't necessarily think he is using you. It's possible he may just be wanting to take things slow and not want to "appear" to be wanting more just yet. If he is driving 200 miles away for a meeting, he can proboly afford to stay somewhere else, but instead has asked to stay with you. It sounds to me like he may want to see you, and the trip is a convienient time, but is a bit nervous about staying longer. Ofcourse without knowing every detail, it is hard to tell completely how he feels about you. I would relax though, give it some time, let him move at his own pace, and things will more likely work in a positive way. Goodluck!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2006): i tell him to get on his bike as he liked you he be down dont waste ur engery in worrying
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male
reader, harshbutfair  +, writes (18 April 2005):
 Yes, I agree. He is using you. But while you still get some comfort out of the arrangement, what harm in continuing?
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