A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ive been with my partner for 2yrs and a few months.I live with my two kids aged 6 and 11 years.We do not currently live together. But we have discussed the future and getting married and having kids. We discussed living together a few months back and he told me he was not ready. And that his place was "his" and mine was "mine". And how he had a mate who lived with a girl and she kicked him out.We have had a few issues with me thinking hes cheating. Ive found unused condoms in his room. Text messages from girls stating hey babe x.He re joined the site i met him on.He staes the girls are his mates. Hes never cheated on me. And could not see why i was upset.I now check his emails. But i do not bother to check his phone anymore. As theres no point. Ive already seen some texts. And he states he will not call his mates babe or send x's again.Ive found lipstick on his towel, which he stated was mine. (Im not sure if it was mine. Because he was quick to put it in the wash when i found it. And i'd not stayed at his for awhile due to being sick. Ive given him the benefit of the doubt, because im not sure if these thing are innocent or not.Plus hes been my rock since being ill and really helped me with the kids etc.We used to see each other a few days a week. As he was not working due to an operation. I work full-time, but ive been off work for three months due to ill health.Recently he has got a new job from 6am-5pm, Mon-Thurs. On Friday he usually has some odd jobs to sort out. Like sorting out bills,housework etc.So this means that we now hardly see each other.He is also planning on finding work at the weekends. I had a word with him about this. And told him that there was no point in being together if we hardly see each other.He then asked if i wanted himto give up his job and sit with me 24/7. He also asked if i wanted him to move in and i replied no.Because he was not interested in moving in before. He is struggling to pay his rent, which is why he is working so hard. And states that he planning for the future e.g. getting married etc. And i did not appreciate the comment about spending 24/7 with me.He has since come around once with a bunch of flowers at 7pm. Stayed the night (we did not have sex) and left the next day for work. Came around at 10pm another night after he told me he was updating his CV. As they are going to potentially offer him a position for good.We had sex and he he told me he loved me and left in the morning for work. Ive told him im meeting a friend for lunch and he now wants to go out on friday night for a drink.He been here and stayed on one friday night since starting work. And its been a month now. He leaves me and the kids the next day in the afternoon. To meet his mate, and play cards. He stayed one Sat till Sunday and leaves about 1pm. To watch his mates play football or to play himself.The problem is i now feel like this is a fwb.We had an argument and i told him that he cannot just pick me up and drop me when he feel like it.I don't know what to do...I only have two friends. I only go out now and then bithdays etc. He has lots of friends etc. Its hard to meet new friends as i work full-time. And i do not really like most of the people i work with as the are two-faced.Sometimes i think hes using me others i think i need to get my own life then i will be happier. But at the moment being ill i cannot really do alot.
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cheated on me, condom, flowers, I work with, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your reply. He does have a busy life yes. However I think being in a relationship you need to spend time together.
He states he's very tired after work. However he's also told me this weekend he been spending time in a cafe with his mates after work.
I know relationships go through stages but to me its like he's got bored and is making himself busy to compensate.
We went out for a drink. And he invited one of his mates to meet us in a bar. He turned up with a woman who's not his wife.
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (20 July 2012):
 Hi
He just sounds like a man with a life to me. You got used to him being available and around when he wasn't working,now he works Mon-Thurs. He doesn't finish late but thats an early start so maybe he just wants to do his own thing in an evening. You are off sick so have time on your hands.
I agree you should find other interests, join a darts team or something social to meet other people,potential friends. You have children so guess it limits your spare time unlike your boyfriend who lives alone.
Could be his life is changing now with the new job,new people and he is not at a loose end like before,or maybe he's cooling off.
If you think he's just after sex,dont have sex especially when he shows up at 10pm, if the lipstick incident made your trust in him falter then say so. Have a talk with him, face to face,after 2 years you need to know exactly whate he wants,where your heading. And decide what YOU want.
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