A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I would love some views on my relationship situation. I have been seeing my boyfriend for just over a year. We are both late thirties/easrly forties, both divorced, and I have two children. He is very loving and affectionate when we are together, which is alternate weekends due to work and distance between us. We do speak every day on the phone and sometimes he comes up in between - ( I do feel he could do this more often tho as we are only an hour apart). There is lots of chemistry and we laugh a lot together. We have been on holiday together (with the kids which went really well) and have another planned just the two of us. This all probably sounds perfect, but he hasn't said he loves me and we never talk about the future seriously. He has joked about me making space for his stuff in my house, but makes it clear he's joking. I usually joke back but have also replied that he might want to (move in) one day - to which I got no reply. Why does he bring this up if it's not what he wants?I'm not in a hurry for him to move in but would like to know it's on the cards some day, but mainly my issue is with the lack of 'I love you' as it scares me that I am loving this man and giving him my time and hopes when I'm not sure he wants/feels the same. He knows I love him and I told him I wanted someone who loves me, he said I mean a lot to him and that he needed to think about what he wants as it's not fair on me. Since then we had the family holiday which went really well but he hasn't referred to our conversation but has since said about our relationship 'moving forward' and he at last got a toothbrush for me at his place and booked the second holiday together as soon as we got back from the family one. Signs I took as very positive.When talking about a friend of mine he admitted her ex-guy was a b**ard if he went back to seeing her knowing she loves him but he doesn't feel the same. so I hope he’s trying to tell me that he wouldn’t do that to me, but it's me guessing what he means and I do start to get scared especially when we are apart for 2 weeks when my doubts/fear creep in and I lose confidence in how he feels. How long do I wait for him to say the 3 words? Should I bring it up again? (First time I brought it up was 7 months into the relationship and he said he needed time as he had been badly hurt before). Any suggestions, assurances, opinions??
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2008): Sounds like he's scared to commit because of past experiences. I think you should just ask him if he sees a future for the two of you. That you're not in a rush for anything or have it planned out, just that you see him in your future and that you need to know whether he feels the same. If he seems vague still ask him what he wants from life. Sounds like you should think about what you want from life and whether he can fulfil it. Good luck!
A
male
reader, quarky +, writes (5 October 2008):
 Hey there! To me, from what you say, it seems like this guy likes you a lot. In my opinion, the 3 words aren't really the panacea - it's what he does rather than what he says. 'I love you' is so easy to say but so hard to show and make real. Sounds like he's done quite a lot to show it! No-one will be able to say with any certainty if or when he will say that he loves you-he may never do so. Maybe as time goes on he will, but in my opinion, it doesn't actually really matter. It depends really if you can continue the relationship without hearing what you want to-maybe by looking at what he does will show you he does really care. But then if you have doubts, then maybe you need to look closer at the reltionshiip? It may just be that he's taking it so slowly because of what's happened in the past-I know I will. He may just want to be 100 per cent sure that you and a future with you, is what he wants. But then, sorry to say this, that answer may not b what you want-I really hope it is tho'!
And perhaps telling him how you feel but that you understand will help...dunno tho as it my make him feel you're pressuring him. You'll know better than I!
Hope this helps a bit-as I say, only my opinion from what you've posted.
Take care x
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