A
female
age
41-50,
*3kiss
writes:My man admitted to me that he has second guessed our relationship because I asked that we speed up the process of us getting married so his insurance will cover my infertility treatment. He says I only think about myselfIs he right for calling me selfish? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, m3kiss +, writes (18 July 2007):
m3kiss is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe said he loves me, but we no longer should discuss any future plans
A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (17 July 2007):
 Why are you having infertility treatments if you arent married? You are putting the cart before the horse. Get married and THEN have the infertility treatments and then the issue of whether you have to pay for it, or the insurance is moot.
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A
female
reader, Beckto +, writes (17 July 2007):
 My own personal boundaries are:
No marriage, no kids.
In other words, I won't voluntarily get pregnant unless I'm married. (Which I am now, so it's not an issue.)
Why would't you get married first? It would solve all your problems, right?
If I were you, I'd be a little suspicious.
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A
female
reader, m3kiss +, writes (17 July 2007):
m3kiss is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just recently had a miscarriage, my third. He was concerned about me being able to give him children. He wants me to start treatment but I don't have money to pay for it. The money I did have I gave to him to fix his car. He has not paid me back. He tells me he loves me and was excited that I was pregnant and he sees himself growing old with me. I'm 30 I already have difficulties carrying a pregnancy. My clock is ticking. I don't think I'm selfish for asking him to speed up marriage. If we're planning on doing it anyway.
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A
female
reader, LauraE  +, writes (17 July 2007):
Hi,
On the face of it, no he isn’t. If you both want to get married and have children, then I would expect that he would be happy to save some money by getting infertility treatment paid for by someone else. There’s the question though – does he want to get married and have children? Is he wanting to put off this big change because he isn’t sure about it? If so, you suggesting bringing it forward may well be making him feel defensive about it. You can only find out by having a heart to heart with him.
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A
female
reader, Beckto +, writes (17 July 2007):
Not enough info!
Just on its face, it doesn't seem like you're being selfish, but then again, there may be way more back story to this.
I doubt this one event caused him to say that.
But if so, then it doesn't seem selfish.
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