A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i'm 18 and i'm dating a 26 year old. though unorthodox, we persued our relationship. through the protective older brothers and sisters, judgmental extended relatives, and questioning parents; we came out as happy as ever and perhaps stronger. we started dating on october 6th and on valentines day he told me he was in love with me. i was ecstatic because i had completely fallen head over heels for him. we are completely happy and are talking about me moving into his house this upcoming summer. the setback we are going through is that i'm going into college this fall and he is worried that i won't experience all college has to offer in terms of my freedom and social life because he will have already been through the partying, drinking, and clubbing stage when I get started with it. the road we face before us won't be easy in the slightest but my question for you all is whether or not i should persue my relationship with the man i love or whether the chances of us both getting hurt are too high and i should stop it before it progresses any farther?
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male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (9 April 2011):
You are meant to choose what kind of life you want. You can't be everything at the same time. So, that's what life is like. Many time you have to decide to follow one path and that means not following other path. You choose something over another thing. Thinking that the path we didn't follow would have been heaven is non-sense. Every path in life has joy and suffering for us.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyou all make such good points. before i started to date him i was always bent on the assumption that college was some big party but now as i am getting ready to go, i just cant wait to start the rest of my life and my future with my bf. he always had this same vision of college but was so busy working, studying, and being controlled by his ex girlfriend, that he never partied. this is why he has this fear of holding me back (like he feels he was held back)from experiencing college to "its fullest". since i have been with him, i dont feel any need at all to go party with my friends and i douubt that will change in college. i just have this nagging fear that i'll fuck up our relationship somehow and lose him. like it's inevitable. i dont know why i'm so damn insecure. thank you for your guys' help!
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A
male
reader, Capri2 +, writes (7 April 2011):
The question you have to ask yourself here is: I am a person who puts herself over the rest (including the person I love)?I mean, you can go party and have fun without having sex with other people. Whether you are faithful or not depends on you, not on the stage of life you go through. Like other people told you already, college life is just life. And you decide which kind of life it is.I think that you asking this here is a sign of a doubt inside you. Maybe you are already foreseeing what will happen within a couple of years, because you know better which kind you are. So the answer is inside you.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 April 2011):
 I am with Annalisa. You go to college to study, not to get hammered and sleep around. I honestly do not understand this idea about "college life" being different from all other life. If you are a responsible young adult you will take your time to study, make friends and live a normal life as you would any where else. College shouldn't be about living in some separate bubble away from the rest of the world where wild crazy living and being a prick and a brat should be expected of you.
You wont be missing out on anything. If people decide to use their time as students to act like children then so be it, there is no rule you need to act that way to be happy in any way. I might be biased in this, but the college students I have known have been completely childish, immature, and like small children. You are 18. I think it's normal to act 18 then and not 8. If you act your age you won't be "missing out", as college shouldn't be about being a child, but about learning, education, and growing up.
Besides, no where else than in the USA is college thought of as such a "bubble" separate from reality. This isn't even a question other places in the world. You are going to study? Good for you. What's there to miss out on if you have a boyfriend? You aren't missing out on classes, so there is no problem. If you enjoy partying on the weekends, I don't see why having a boyfriend would stop you. Bring him along or go with friends if he's not into it. Plenty of people do that as adults, one partner enjoys going out, the other doesn't, it's no biggie.
Unless of course, you want to use your college years to sleep around and be a whore. But I doubt that's what you had in mind anyway... so I don't see what there is you will miss out on.
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A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave  +, writes (7 April 2011):
strong relationships will get through most turbulent times. i can see his point of view about college but good relationships are hard to find. I wouldnt just throw it all away. See how it goes.
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A
female
reader, Red HaT Ninja +, writes (7 April 2011):
 Hi, if he is really the man you love then you owe it to yourself to hold onto him. Go of and do your thing,you can still go clubbing and to parties.If it is a problem of will you fancy or go off with some other guy,then think about it ,you say your man is your love,then why would that change being away from him,true love holds no matter how far apart you are.Trust me if your meant to be you will be.Don't let the fear off it ending make you end it before you leave, just think of how much more you will love him when you are reunited again. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE.
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