A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:During the summer I was approached by a guy in the city. He complimented me on my outfit and we started up a little chat and we exchange numbers. Fast ward we eventually went out on our first date a few weeks after meeting. We talked everyday pretty much and he was very very sweet sending xoxo, love emoji’s, always invested into wanting know about my day and other cute stuff boyfriends usually send to girlfriends or what guys send to girls they like. When we did start to have sex a good amount of times and his behavior never changed but got better.At one point I thought he liked me more than I liked him.Before the holiday I spent the night with him for the first time and it was exciting and he was so polite as usual and even held my hand for the first time as we were walking the streets. I started to like him even more and even after the sleepover he was texting me and being cute and he had already informed me he was going to Indiana to visit family and we text while he was away.Now Thanksgiving is over and he still isn’t back. I texted him yesterday asking him did he want to link up and go out for drinks. He text back saying “Hey im doing well. I am in Texas now. I knew he lived in Texas for a bit but he has lived in the city for mostly 10 years. I said oh okay wow that sound great! Was the trip last minute he said he lives there and works there too. I asked for how long and he said a few weeks. I knew he traveled for work at times but I kept the conversation on good vibes and upbeat. I asked him a few more questions to keep the convo going but he stop texting me last night. He also didn’t ask me about my day nor did he tell me good night like he always goes. I want to wait a week before I text him again just to see how his doing to keep the conversation going. Is he really not interested in me? Is he really out of town? Was I played?What should I do? Did he really like me at all? Was I just a girl in his back pocket during the few months we were together?
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (1 December 2017):
 I have to agree with the others. My advice is to NOT initiate any more contact with him.
Even during the conversation you just described he seemed polite but non-committal. He was pleasant and answered your questions but didn't ask any himself As you said, it was YOU keeping the conversation going. In my opinion you're already coming on too strong.
You may not hear from him again and if not, no biggie. It was fun while it lasted and you both enjoyed yourselves. If he does contact you, then pace yourself. There are plenty of men out there so don't act as if you're starving and he's the only meal on Earth.
A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (1 December 2017):
 It just sounds like a casual encounter to me. I don't think he was using you particularly, or didn't like you. He just wasn't aiming for romance, just company.
If you are looking for a serious long-term relationship then find someone in your neck of the woods who you can go out with regularly and really get to know.
It also means they can get to know you too. You don't catch a big fish every cast.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2017): Well follow the clues and cues. There's a lot of distance coming between you and less contact.
I think it's a good time to just detach your feelings. Don't start killing yourself trying to figure-out if you were played or not. He was polite, and treated you nicely. It's what's called a romance. They don't all turn into full-fledged relationships; but I waste a lot of my time and writing explaining this to people. It's something you have to learn from experience; because some things can't be put into words. Especially when emotions are involved.
Some romances are sweet and brief. You make a short-term connection and it slowly fades. Keeping sex out of the picture until you actually know if there is more to it, often allows the chemistry to develop into something more meaningful; but sometimes that's not what it was ever about. Just something sweet, romantic, and brief.
You can turn it into something heavy and worry about it; or just put it on a shelf, and forget about it for awhile. If it meant anything special to him; place it on him to have to comeback to you. Don't chase him. Get on with your life.
Guys who travel for work often have a woman in every city. Work-travel is all too convenient for player-types. Not that this is necessarily the case about him; but you can't dismiss the possibility. So keep your feelings in-check.
Some romances are "seasonal." They just aren't meant to last. Something I've learned, and was able to move on from.
He may spend a lot of time on the road, but that doesn't mean he doesn't need some romance and tenderness in his life.
You'd do better attaching your heart to someone who's life wasn't on the road. That's my advice.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 December 2017):
 So this is a guy who moves around for work A LOT? As in, does he works a contract (or what not) for 1-XX months and then moves and work somewhere else?
Or does he have a "home base but travel for work? It's kind of unclear to me.
How you describe your relationship is also VERY vague. I see no real sign of it being BF/GF or having talked exclusivity. But you hang out, talk and have sex. So a pseudo-FWB or friendly F-buddies.
I think - going by how he has acted with this... that you are NOT his main squeeze. If he was seeing you as a potential partner/GF/mate he would have TOLD you before the travel (or once he knew these plans) that he would be in Texas (or wherever) and for how long. THAT is what people in a relationship DOES. They don't keep the other person in the dark with these things.
So I think he saw (see) you as a lovely entertainment a kind of FWB that gives the GF experience without there being any REAL commitment or agreed upon exclusivity.
So let's say his Texas contracts ends in 2 months and he will be back in YOUR neck of the woods he might a month out start to rekindle the contact using a lot of "OH work has been so busy" or some kind of blah blah excuses to "explain" the silence or lack of REAL interaction and attempts of communication while away. Especially if he would like to make sure you will be AVAILABLE for more rolls in the hay in 2 months.
Or he might not get back to you at all... He might just ghost you. And when he GETS to your city he will find another woman to hoodwink for a few months until another contract takes him to wherever.
He could have a steady GF or even wife elsewhere and keep his life VERY compartmentalized. Because THAT benefits HIM the most.
You know the saying: " A sailor has a different girl in every port" ? That's probably your guy.
I would STOP totally in contacting him. See what transpires. IF he starts contact again and then uses lame excuses or reveal that he will be living/working in your area well then you KNOW why he is now contacting you.
Does it mean he doesn't CARE about you? I think he does but not on the level that you would like. When he is THERE (with you) you got the full attention, the BF-experience and he got the GF-experience and YOUR full attention as well. But if he CARED for you in a deeper level than just wanting THAT (the GF-experience) he would keep you in the loop, he would make sure to take the time to see how YOU are doing, making YOU a part of his life. Even if he was REALLY REALLY busy with work.
Personally? I'd back off completely. And if there is no further contact for a week (or two) I'd block him and move on. I'd wouldn't want to be part of some yo-yo relationship where he plays the "out of sight, out of mind" game with me.
The fact that he DIDN'T tell you AT ALL about Texas until YOU asked.... seems just odd. Like, why hide it?
Does he have a FB? Have you looked him up at all?
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