A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I’ve been with my boyfriend for around 6 months now, I do love him but it’s long distance and when we’re together it’s amazing but when we aren’t we fall very quickly in arguing everyday. I think it would be best for us to break up instead of carrying on with this pattern of a month of bad times for 2 weeks happy. However I am quite scared to break up with him for 2 reasons. First I have been in 3 back to back relationships now and haven’t been on my own in 4 years. The first of them relationships was my first love, it ended really badly and I was very depressed which is something I am very scared of feeling again as I had all sorts of odd behaviours. I then sort out my next relationship to find someone who treated me better than my ex (which honestly wouldn’t be difficult as he was awful). My next relationship was so loving and respectful that when it ended suddenly I don’t know what I was thinking, perhaps that we would get back together. But I got into my current relationship almost immediately, swearing I wasn’t just trying to cover the pain I was expecting to happen and that I was just lucky to meet someone I liked so soon. So now I fear that after this breakup I would be hit with the pain of both. The second reason is my current boyfriend suffers from depression, is sucidial and doesn’t have many people around him and I worry the break up would effect him especially hard. Although I don’t know as one of his depression is to tell me a lot when he’s angry that he doesn’t need me and would be happier without me. So perhaps this is true and I should just go for it. Sorry for this long muddle but any advice please !!!
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depressed, get back together, long distance, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Olivia Neale  +, writes (6 December 2017):
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (1 December 2017):
 OP, it´s not your job to keep your current boyfriend sane.
You sound really smart and you know what is the best option for your life already, you just seem to be influenced by your own need to save the day and keep everything looking perfect.
You know that both you and your current boyfriend need to call it quits and you do have some options:
Set up some support for your bf so that he is monitored and more importantly, supported, when you break the news to him but essentially, there is no way to keep someone around that really wants to exit life on a whole in my opinion.
I think that you need to break up with him and then you NEED to focus on healing yourself because you should not be dating right now. You have got to work on yourself my dear.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (1 December 2017):
 I have said this to others but it remains true. Sometimes you have to let go of things in order that something better can come into you life.
The fact that you are long distance should make it easier. Your shared commitments will be fewer than if you lived together.
Grow strong on your own for a while. You don't need anyone else to validate you - particularly someone with whom you argue. Start cutting contact. Invest in activities near you. Become part of a group or take a class. Put your energies into something worthwhile. Let these new things fill your life and you will attract new friends.
He needs to find his own way. You cannot be responsible for helping him. Indeed you are not really helping him. You are just someone for him to dump on. And it is a nice idea to have a girlfriend, but he isn't doing much to make you happy, and that's kind of the point isn't it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 December 2017):
 So, am I getting this right? You want to stay in a relationship where you argue all the time, it's a rebound and neither of you are really WANTING to be in the relationship - because.... you don't want to be depressed? and you don't want HIM to be depressed?
I think you NEED to be single. I think you NEED to learn how to be YOU without using a BF as a "crutch". You need to find out HOW to be happy with yourself, how you deal with depression is not healthy and using a BF as your "meds" to not be depressed... it's unhealthy and not working.
Staying with you will NOT prevent him from committing suicide IF that is really what he wants. It is NOT a good reason to stay together.
YOU BOTH need to deal with the issue of DEPRESSION. Not together but separately.
End it, and WISH him well. FOCUS on you.
The whole notion that you are not complete without a man it's not good. Because you then accept behavior that isn't healthy. You and your BF are toxic to each other. Because NEITHER of you are in the right "mind" to be dating.
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