A
female
age
30-35,
*hna
writes:Basically iv been seeing this guy "bob" for the last few months , its a very casual thing between us , he lives in diffrent town so i never bump into him which i kind of like, im happy this thing we share is not in my face.The thing is he is the first boy i have properly let my guard down for since my last long term relationship and he was the first person i was comfortable enough to have sex with .However, iv began to think that he can mabye let me down sometimes , there has been times where he has asked to do something at the weekend but it will never happen, yet its always him that wants to meet up with me ? but that doesnu really bother me , well it didnu until this weekend i just kind of began to think he was taking the piss with me and even though i dont really mind, i just think its pointless to be talking to him when i only see him once a month ?mabye i just dont realise how much i actually like him?im also dreaming about him a lot. Like i will have a nightmare, wake up in the middle of the night, fall back asleep an wake up in the morning and i just have this knowing feeling that i have dreamed about him, i know it sounds silly but i really dont like the fact im dreaming about him, its stressing me out and messing my emoitions up, i also delt with a small miscarraige with this boy i never told him about it because it was something neither of us knew about so i didnt want to make a big deal out of something we knew nothing about? obviously i told my friends and my mum also knew but my friends didnt know what advice to give me?im very confused with this boy if any body could help me with a bit of advice or if anybody has been in a similar situation i would really appreciate any advice thank you shna x Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2010): I'm not sure how it would work out if you told him about the miscarriage. But I do think telling about it would be a good test of what you mean to him.
There's nothing right or wrong about telling him or not, it's your body and that happened to you, so if you want to tell him then do, but you're by no means obliged to tell him if you know what I mean.
Someone who cares about you is going to stick around and will want be there for you. A person who doesn't will run a mile. I must stress though, if you do tell him, ignore what he says and see how he acts in the long run. He might say all the things you want to hear or play the nice guy but his actions might suggest otherwise, it's his actions that will indicate what he really feels.
You know yourself, it's very easy for a person to say the right things but it's another matter for them follow through by their actions. If he says he wants to console you but then starts becoming cold or distant then you know where you stand.
I wish you luck, and I still stick with my original statement, I think you want something from him that he might not be prepared to give. So find out where you stand as soon as possible so you can begin to get over him and move on. If he's indecisive or confused or anything like that then there really isn't any hope.
A
female
reader, shna +, writes (14 September 2010):
shna is verified as being by the original poster of the question your advice is actually fair enough and most likely right, however i havnt had sex with him everytime i seen him, which was by his own choice because i made it quiet clear what i wanted and he didnu take the oppertunity? which confused me more ?
do you think i should tell him about the miscarraige thing, or will that just create unnessacary drama ? thank you ur really helpful x
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2010): You're in love with and he's not in love with you. You want something serious with him and he sees you as a casual lay, that's why he blows you off so much. Combine that with the fact that you're trying to maintain an LDR with him and everything points to this relationship just not working out.
I'm sorry but this just isn't the guy for because put simply, he's just not that into you. He's not really making any effort beyond his need for sex.
You dream about him, think about him all the time and most likely would do anything to spend more time with him, but he obviously doesn't feel the same. If I were you I'd end this before you get very hurt. You can tell him the LDR is not working for you as a reason. But in my opinion the best thing that can happen here is if you leave him. He's probably getting with other girls anyway. But you have to keep in mind that he's really not going to want anything more with you, he's not in this for the relationship only the sex.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (14 September 2010):
 I don't know any italian man named "bob". :) Now you are in what I like to call friends with benefits or fuckbuddies with this man, a casual thing. He sees you at his leisure and most of the time it's for sex. Women just aren't cut out for friends with benefits because it's almost always the woman who develops feelings..and wanting more than what it is. Which is what I think is happening to you, you're developing feelings for this guy. I am very sorry to hear about your miscarriage that must be very upsetting and scary. Glad to hear you told your mom and friends but sounds like they didn't offer any support. Maybe you should back off of bob for a while, he seems to be getting to you. Take time for yourself, and forget about him.
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