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writes: Im female, 19, and a college freshman. I have an issue with teacher crushes that i never acted on until this year. My drum instructor and I didnt have much of a relationship at the beginning of this year. Lets just say he was a cocky jerk. He a professional drum set player and really good too. The beginning of the year, he didnt care about any of us except for two students on the drumline. Basically they are his buds. I have a lesson with him every week. When we first started lessons he would always show off instead of showing me how to play something. The one thing he would always ask was "Did I blow your mind yet"? I would nicely reply "no". The last time he asked, I went off on him and a minute later I apologized to make sure I didnt get too disrespectful. He said it was "alright". After that day, he didn't do it anymore and he was a little nicer. I still couldnt stand him. Skipping forward.. One situation that made our "relationship" take a turn was when he asked me to make a percussion fbook page for our school. I said yes and i think i made it withing that hour. This was the same time that the band traveled to disney world and he couldnt come because he had a gig. So we were messaging back forth making sure everything was right. I think told him at one point to basically leave me alone because i was enjoying my vacation (as a joke). It was friends idea. The next favor he asked was for me to help him find the percussion page. He had no idea how to look for it so i told him with every detail. he said thank you. skipping forward...I had an injury from skating. It had gotten infected pretty badly to where i couldnt march so i told him about it just in case it conflicted with our lesson or whatever. For some odd reason, he was caring. He was like "sorry about that" and " i hope you feel better". This was soooo uncharacteristic of him. When I got to practice the following Monday, I was able to play my drums but not march. i had swollen feet (both my feet were injured) and had to wear sandals because my shoes could fit (lol). This is something he would have never done...He saw my sunglass on the ground by the feet and he thouhgt i was going to step on them so he moved them for me..This was sooo shocking to me... It was shocking because he wouldnt have done that for the other girls on the drumline. At this point, my whole view had changed about him. I still ignored him everytime he would show off. I would walk away occasionally or just get on my phone much like he did when we were in lessons. I knew it was going to happen...it happens every time. Skipping forward...Basically, we had gotten to the point to where he felt comfortable of letting us come to his house at any time. The first time I went to his house, with my friends of course, i was so nervous. I wasnt at first but until i pulled up to his drive way and saw that he had a trampoline in his front yard. My friends and thought it was for his nephews or something but no...it was for him. I think he wants to stay young forever or something...i dont know but i found it to be extremely creepy to the point that i couldnt act normal in his house. I didnt play on anything and i didnt make any eye contact with him. While we were in his house we had a jam session. I didnt get too involved simply because i was to freaked. The two guys that came with me played his drum sets and he played his piano. He was good. I remember him trying to do some fancy runs and would occasionally look at me to see if i saw. but no, i ignoreed him. ok so after we left, i messaged him about something i cant remember but it was about school. he asked if we had fun and i said "Cody" did. One of the guys who came with me. He also made a comment about him not being good at piano and i said "youre pretty good". He sent an unenthusiastic thanks. The next day, my friend "Cody" told me that he talked to him about it too and "Cody" also told me that he(the teacher) said something about his piano skills not being that great. "cody" told him that he was really good at it and my teacher told him that i previously said that he was "only" pretty good and that he needs to practice. I immediately freaked out! Why the heck does my opinion matter?? I'm not even half as good as he is! "Cody" is a better piano player than I am and he played his piano to while we were there. This was very weird to me.skipping forward...My teacher, i guess had gotten comfortable with me that he would invade my personal space. I mean he would get way too close in my opinion... ok..Im going to stop here because I can go on and on. Thank you in advance for reading my post and i appreciate every opinion. Btw,I only want to know if I'm right in thinking that he may like me or whether not I should just chill out because nothing is going on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2014): Send him the FB PAGE. i think you should tell him that you don't feel comfy talking to him about things that're not related to school. He is you're teacher, but if I'm honest, he's not acting like it!
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (30 March 2014):
 He is 42? He sounds 12!
Honestly, unless he start to be inappropriate I would ignore it. And I would without a doubt NOT reply to his text is a "fast" manner. If the things he is asking about is on the FB page, refer him to the page instead of going into a long conversation.
He really is one of "those" eternal teenagers. Kind of pathetic.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHere's a recent update.Cody and my teacher had a lesson Wednesday and he told me about their conversation.So my teacher asked Cody to text me to ask me the name of my solo so that he wouldn't give the same one to Cody. Side note: if I can, I text back everyone I know quickly.Teacher: "Did she say something yet?"Cody: "no"Teacher:"well she texts me back really fast"Cody laughsCody: "Do you text her back really fast?"Teacher:"uhh, yeah"Cody:"So are her texts that urgent?"Teacher:"uh yeah"Cody:"well what about me? Are my texts not urgent?"Teacher:"um..." Another side note: we only talk about school related stuff but the weird thing is...when he asks me questions, he could easily read them from the Facebook updates that he and the rest of us get about dates and time.. I don't get it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to both of you for your responses. They were both very helpful.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2014): Hun, if I were you, I'd stay away from him. Report him, get a new teacher. He probably doesn't like you, he wants to hook up with you so that he feels young. You said yourself that he does things because he wants to stay young. He sounds really freaky! Please, please, please stay away from him unless you want to get in to serious danger.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe's 42 years old. shocker!! He's really into things that keeps him young like the trampoline thing, and recently he posted on fbook that he got into a hyperbaric chamber of some sort. I don't get it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2014): Um''' how old is he? Age matters. If he's like in his 30s then you need to report him, he is your teacher, he is there to teach you not hook up with you. I think he likes you, but you need to make sure that nothing happens. Talk to him and tell him to stop invading your space.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 March 2014):
What does it make you?
Cautious?
If you think he could have a interest in you, I would just "play" ignorant. Like you have NO clue. My guess (again guessing is all I can do) he does this with one or two female students each year HOPING to be idolized. Maybe he saw something in you (as in you were helpful (making the fb page) but not bending over backwards) and he wants to convince you that he really IS Mr. Cool.
IT IS NOT a reflection of YOU.
You are in the 18-21 age group so if you have a hard time getting a read on a guy like this, I think it's pretty normal honestly. I would just "chill out" as you call it but don't be afraid to set boundaries. As in if he invade your personal space, speak up, if you feel uncomfortable going to his house - then don't go. Just treat him like a teacher and no more.
There is nothing wrong with you in finding this guy a little creepy or weird. OK?
And whether he likes you or not really is irrelevant. What isn't irrelevant is whether he is a good teacher or not.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI was never interested in being "romantic" with him. I just needed to know whether or not I should be worried or should I not. I definitely don't see him as an idol. But uh...I think you are spot on about the eternal teenager thing. I can confirm that he doesn't make good first impressions with people his own age. Ok so you've concluded that he is probably immature and so on..but what does that make me?
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reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 March 2014):
Yikes... My guess.... Your drum teacher is one of those ETERNAL teenagers. The ones who think being a GROWN UP is something evil and bad. So he tries to ACT like he is the coolest guy on the planet because he ACTUALLY want to be worshiped by his peers (and by peers I mean his students, not his actual peers). I'm betting he doesn't do as well with people his own age.
JUST accept him as your teacher. He doesn't HAVE to like you - he just HAS to teach you. THAT it is! He is NOT your buddy or next romantic line up. And you don't have to like him either.
If he gets WAY to close to you, and there isn't a good reason (sometimes a trainer/teacher has to be up close and personal to teach stuff, mostly they don't.) IF he gets in your personal space and there is no reason to, TELL him, just say:" um, personal space...." HE will get it.
As for "caring" ... I don't know. He had a student with a bad foot then two bad feet. Of course he will make sure you are OK.
If you feel this creeped out over a trampoline, don't go to his house no more. Seriously. All you did was sit there and sulk anyways.
I don't know if you equate the trampoline with him being a "deviant" of some kind, but it's really not a big deal. My guess is he is either the "eternal teenager" or he has a snarky kind of humor that TOTALLY goes over you head. Same with his piano comment.
So what are you to do? TREAT him like a teacher, not an idol.
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