A
female
age
30-35,
*emmefemale
writes:I'm interested in this guy but I don't think he is as interested in me. My gut instincts and his actions (to me) suggest that he doesn't reciprocate my enthusiasm. Back story: I'm in university and he used to go to my university two years ago but we never spoke to each other until about a month ago. I live on my university campus which is two hour away from London where he lives. He's at my uni more or less every week or every two weeks and we've seen each other for a few hours each time he's been here (5 times in 4 weeks). It's always in my room which I don't mind because I like spending time with him but I was told that if a guy is interested in a female he will do things to show that he is interested such as take her out, however I feel he's been resistant to do these things. e.g. was really resistant to taking me out (possibly because of the way I brought it up) and didn't buy eggs or any of the ingredients when we were supposed to make pancakes at my house (which was his idea). He has never really tried to have sex with me, we've barely even spoken about it and he is really respectful. We text each other everyday but never talk on the phone, which I guess is due to our clashing schedules. I gave him the benefit of the doubt with the not taking me out and the not buying the ingredients but after having a brief conversation with him on a night out I decided that I'm not doing myself or him any favours by continuing to entertain him (the date and the pancakes are not the only things that make me think he probably isn't that into me, there's other smaller examples I could give but this description is long enough).Deep inside I think his actions suggest he is not as interested in me as I am in him... or alternatively he wants to take things super slow and be friends first... Anyway my question is now that I have done all the compromising and dropping of my standards how do I make him see that unless he's going to step up his game I'm not interested anymore and how do I let go and move on until he steps up his game and not let my feelings let me compromise my standards anymore?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2013): The next time he is visiting your uni and wants to stop by, tell him you are busy. Stop texting him first as well then see what he does. If he likes you he will try to find out what's going on, if not he will let things fizzle out.
A
female
reader, femmefemale +, writes (23 November 2013):
femmefemale is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyou are right. I probably need to get more friends so I don't think about minor situations.
I will withdraw my interest and see how he reacts :(
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A
female
reader, Atsweet1  +, writes (23 November 2013):
 If he not to your standards you already wasting your time. Pancakes are good you only need water or milk eggs butter and pancake mix. bowl and spoons if it's at your house you can by the ingredients. He might not be that into you so stepping any game up with trying or wanting to score may not be in the picture. You dont know what people are going through to why he not wanting to date or ask you out at all. Are you even single and does he know this that could be the reason for no interest. He to may think you are out if his league and don't think you are interested in anything with him cause he knows too of your standards. He perphaps is interested in someone else at this time. Also if you texting and chatting all this should be clear.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (23 November 2013):
 I wonder what he else he is doing at your campus. Travelling once a week with a 4 hour commute each time is a big deal just to visit a friend he has no romantic interest with. Although some men would travel a great deal just to see women trying hard to please them. Perhaps he is still connected to the university, doing some project and he just wants to stop by for some free food. You are only dropping your standard if you expect this to be more than friendship, but I think even a decent friend would share costs for a pancake breakfast. Maybe when he grew up he was used to the traditional type of women whose job is to cook and clean. The men just sit and wait.
You need to meet more people. I remember when I was at college I would overthink something that's really a non issue because I thought my reality was that there was no on else. You don't have to play games with men. You can show interest to a guy when you sense his interest too. What I guess is that when you withdraw interest he would stop coming.
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