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Is he nervous or does he not find me attractive?

Tagged as: Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 July 2012) 3 Answers - (Newest, 10 July 2012)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Me and my boyfriend have been together almost 4 years (I was 14 when we got together and he was 15). When we first got together we didn't even discuss sex and just kept with kissing and fooling around. Once we had been together a year we decided that we wanted to move further with the relationship and we tried hand jobs and oral sex. Everything was perfect and then he wanted to have sex however I wasn't sure that I was ready as I was extremely nervous and we didn't have a place to go to have sex. He said that he understood and waited for me until I was ready. Well I've wanted to for months now and never had a free house to be able to do this so last night we was fooling around in his car and he whispered in my ear that he wanted to. I kissed him and said I was ready and wanted to as well. He was hard as a rock however as soon as he put the condom on he lost it. I told him not to worry and said that we can try when he's in the mood, so I gave him a hand job and tried to get him in the mood. He got an erection again and this time I put the condom and he managed to penetrate me although I was in pain with it. It took a while for us to get it in as it was my first time and after a few minutes of having sex he lost it again.

I tried to reassure him that it was fine and that he should relax and he said he was really nervous and hated seeing me in pain. I tried to explain that the pain didn't bother me but I'm not sure what to do or if this is even normal?

Could it be because he is nervous or does he just not find me attractive?

Sorry for all the details but I'm a bit confused and not sure what to do or say to him about it.

View related questions: condom, erection, hand-job, in the mood, kissing, oral sex

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (10 July 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntof course he finds you attractive...

do not have sex in a car... it's not conducive to a good experience.

rent a hotel room if you don't have the privacy at home you need....

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A female reader, ImmortalPrincess United States +, writes (10 July 2012):

ImmortalPrincess agony auntHe's nervous, and it's completely normal. This was his first time, as well, so I'm sure there was some performance anxiety. The two of you have been together for four years, so it's obvious that you love each other, so pleasing you is very important to him. The back seat of a car isn't the most relaxed, or romantic of settings, so that may have also played a part in it.

Just relax and take your time with it, and it will eventually happen.

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A female reader, IamJess United Kingdom +, writes (10 July 2012):

IamJess agony auntI think he's probably just nervous and you shouldn't worry, all first times are a little awkward, but as long as you two know you want to be together you don't need to re-think anything.

Why would he be with someone he thought wasn't attractive and why would he want to have sex with you if he wasn't, I don't think he'd of got hard if he didn't think the thought of having sex with you was nice.

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