A
female
age
30-35,
*.d632
writes:I hooked up with this guy one night (no intercourse) and figured I'd never see him again.Through mutual friends, he got ahold of my number and asked me out. I said sure.In the past week, we have seen each other 3 times, although he's asked me out 4 times and I said no once.When we hang out, he calls me baby, I've met his best friend and a family member, and he's shared lots of information about his personal life with me.The last time we saw each other, he wanted to make it clear that we are officially "dating." okay.My question is: does this seem like he is moving kind of fast - I feel like he thinks we are in a serious relationship? Is it normal for a hookup to turn into a relationship?We are in our 20s and I've known him for barely a week. Everyone I've ever dated I've been friends with for at least a year before dating, so this is new terrain. Any input about this scenario is greatly appreciated.
View related questions:
best friend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 August 2016):
 I will be honest with you, that is how me and my Fiance started out, and I was a bit taken back to begin with, but it worked out really well and here we are four years later. The thing is if you want to take a risk then go for it, there really is no harm in giving things a go but if you do not feel comfortable with the pace, then talk to him and tell him you want to take things slower.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (22 August 2016):
 For me, I don't have a problem with fast pace if I feel in my gut that he could be the right person. What I have a slight problem with is that he thinks it's a relationship because he says so. Maybe it's too much optimism, or something like a smart seller assuming the sale. In some cultures, the man is in charge and the woman waits. In most western countries the sexes are equal and the man will be more humble. He will say something like, "If you like me, then text me back. If I don't hear anything from you, I understand." I will be weirded out by a guy who doesn't consult me and just assumed that we are in a relationship, as if I don't have a voice or he doesn't care to hear mine.
Keep hearing about his personal information, positive or negative, then decide if you like him enough. Just in case that he turns out to be a guy who's self absorbed. He might just be someone who's assertive, a go-getter, and confident about himself.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2016): By "relationship" he probably meant "we'll have sex with ONLY eachother. We'll tell everyone (i.e. my family & our friends) so it's clear that YOU will not be " hooking up" or flirting with or looking at anyone else. Since we're 'dating', we'll pick up where we left off and we'll finish what we started."
The date was an opportunity for you to hear "personal" things, to gain your trust, to plant a seed of guilt if you ever find yourself uninterested or wanting to break it off. To set you up to be "the bad guy" for stringing him along or not even giving him a chance.
Ask yourself what you expected when you met up: were you wanting to have sex? See him as a potential boyfriend? If its the last one, why didn't you do that date/talk when you first met him and laid off on the hooking up?
Ask yourself, since you weren't expecting to see him again, did you care that you wouldn't see him again or did you consider it a one time thing?
Ask... if you KNEW you'd see him again, would you have "just hooked up" or would you have made an effort to get to know him?
Ask... did you go into this looking for sex and changed your mind? If yes, why did you change your mind? If no, why were you hooking up in the first place?
Ask... if you hadn't been so physical with a stranger, would he have tried so hard to reach out to you?
Ask... what made you SO important that he HAD to track you down?
Ask... how did he get your #, did whoever give it to him assume you'd WANT to be with him? My guess is because its so out of character for you to hook up, it was just assumed you were interested.
Only YOU know the answers but I can tell you from personal experience that you described me to a tee when I was your age. That resulted in guys jumping from "hi" to relationship (sex ship) with NO courting or dating, guys who DID want a relationship who would NOT take "no" or "not interested" or "were over, leave me alone" for an answer, abusers, users, stalkers...
I'm afraid you'll encounter the same.
Your answers to those questions will make it easier for us to give you guidance
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2016): He just really really likes you, its no biggie. I actually prefer dating strangers til I like them officially. Once I friendzone a guy I never see them as a romantic prospect anymore 'hence' thats why were friends. Most of my past relationships have been with people I wanted to be with right off the get go but I dont rush into it, I just know I like them more friends
He just really really likes you. Hes not rushing it, he wants to win you over and make you his. Its just a sign of interest. If a guy lags, youll wonder if he is even interested at all
Relax and enjoy ride or just tell him you want to be friends. Good luck=)
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 August 2016):
 Yes, it does seem like he is rushing things. Might be because he sees you as someone he can have a future with, he likes your company or... he is a little "desperate" for a instant relationship.
Just SLOW down if you feel it's a bit too much too fast.
If YOU are interested then GET to know him, but do it at your pace. You can't really RUSH a relationship, there needs to be a foundation build of mutual attraction, respect, knowledge etc.
People usually don't spend a YEAR being "friends" if dating is the goal. Some spend a good 3-6 months before committing to sex and a exclusive relationship, others? do it after a month.
Set a pace YOU feel comfortable with.
Personally? I'd hold off with nicknames and meeting family and close friends for a good 3-4 months. I mean get to know HIM before you are introduced to everyone. Let's say you find after 3 months that HE isn't your type at all.. it makes it a little awkward.
...............................
|
