A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have gone through some issues, mostly with me and my trust issues. Then when we were going through those, he became less and less sweet. He hasn't become mean; he's just become nonchalant and blah about everything, like he just doesn't care as much.A couple months ago, he started going with a couple of his friends to a small bar on Friday nights. The first couple times, I went with him. Then one night, he was going out with them and I asked to go. He didn't say no, but he hinted that he didn't want me to go, so I didn't. I decided to let him have his guys' night. The next week, same thing happened and I just decided to go to sleep to not think about it or bother him. I ended up waking up when he texted me. When I asked him about his night, he told me how he invited another girl because she flirts with his friend, and his friend likes her, so he was trying to set them up.Mind you, all of them are over 21. I'm under 21, so I can go, but I can't drink. And we're all co-workers, so I know all of these people he's with.I got upset, telling him that I understand he invited her for someone else but that I thought I wasn't invited because it was a guys' night. He got mad because I made it a big deal. At first, he told me that he never said I couldn't go. Then he started saying, why invite me because all I ever do is complain about not being able to drink. Which I did do the second time, but not the first. So he changed his story as to why he didn't invite me. Then he told me that I'm just upset because the other person he invited was a girl. If it was a guy, it'd be a different story. But that he considers her a friend because they work closely together. I understand this, and I know there's nothing between them. And I was mad because she was a girl since I was under the impression that I'm not allowed because no girls are.Well, that was about two or three weeks ago and he hasn't gone since then. If he goes tonight, I want to go. At first, he said, "Such a big fucking deal every time I go out." Then he tried uninviting me by saying I'm sick, which I was, but the antibiotics I'm on keep me from being contagious and I'm pretty much over my sickness. I told him that and he said, "Well, part of your sickness isn't contagious anymore but you're still showing signs of a cold." Which I'm not, except congestion, which I always have because of my allergies.It just seems like he's making excuses for me not to hang out with him and his friends. He went out to a club with some of his friends last week and I had no problem with it. I was invited by someone else and wasn't able to go, and he was planning on going to a bar with them, but they took him to a club to celebrate one of our co-worker's birthdays.But other than that, it just seems like he's making excuses. And when I told him I'm over my cold and I'm not contagious, after debunking all of his excuses, he was like, "Ok whatever." Seriously?He's not cheating, I'm pretty sure. He told me he feels like we're growing apart, but lately we've been doing better and he's been acting a little more like he used to, but then I try and hang out with him and his friends and he tries to make excuses again. What's going on?!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe said the reasons he doesn't invite me are because: 1) I complain about not drinking too much, and 2) because I get quiet in groups and it gets awkward.
I have complained a couple times about not being able to drink, but not all the time. Sometimes I just want to hang out with people. And secondly, I've always been the quiet one in groups. It never stopped my ex or my friends bringing me around their friends. And these people he's hanging out with are my co-workers, who know me on a one-to-one basis, so even if I'm quiet in the group, they all know I'm not like that one-on-one. Maybe my boyfriend finds it a hard time to have a good time when he tries to include me in conversation and I don't know how to join in? I mean, I've had people have issues with that before. That's the only thing I'm guessing.
A
female
reader, innocentfacadexx +, writes (8 October 2011):
 Sometimes guys just need space, they need to know you trust them. However it is a little weird that he invited another girl... If I were you I'd relax, let him have guy time etc but maybe plan stuff just you and him together as well, go somewhere fun and try to become closer again. If he shows indications of cheating though I'd look into it more. Hope this helps!
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A
female
reader, lif3sucks +, writes (7 October 2011):
 This is a tough one cuz there could be so many possiblities to this, how do you act when you guys are all out togethter? are you clingy to him? do you try to have all the attintion on you? im just trying to figure this one out im not saying its your fault at all maybe his friends also find you atractive and he may not like that? If anything sit him down and try not to argue but let him know how you feel and just try to see if he can see where your coming from. sorry if my edvice doesnt help!
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