A
female
age
36-40,
*exy87
writes:I posted a question a while ago for advice with my ex who still contacts me, meets up etc.This might be a long post but its not a drag I promise and I appreciate any advice given :-)For those who havnt read my previous post. Basically my ex broke up with me after nearly 2 years because he didnt want a relationship anymore, wanted to be single and do his own thing.Now a month or so has past. It has now been 4 months and nothing has changed. We still talk, meet up, have sex, act like nothing has changed as he still calls me my nickname and leaves me kisses but he now doesnt think we should sleep with each other or meet up as much it will be hard. (Btw I have always initiated the sex and meeting up, not him) So I told him that I cant conintue to be friends with him as its too hard and I want more, its now my time to move on with my life. So we spent our last night with each other and it was so nice, the next day when we left I got upset and he had tears in his eyes too and he told me to go as he didnt want me to see his was upset.I was doing well and didnt contact him for about 4 days when he txtd me with 'its hard to not think of you and pretend you dont exist :-/' I didnt respond and thought I can do this and go NC...A few days after this I got quite drunk and you guessed it I broke the No Contact and txtd him etc, I told him my feelings and what I thought and that I needed to know his feelings as I feel like just another one of his ex's he throws away and forgets. We met up and he told me he cares for me, still has feelings but just right now he doesnt want a relationship, doesnt want girls company and do his own thing. If he could he would just start seeing me again but he just doesnt want that commitment right now but he also doesnt want me holding as anything could happen. He wants to continue being friends and email each other and meet up to take his dog for a walk etc.I told him I wasnt sure as I was scared that 1. I wouldnt be able to move on properly and 2. he tells me he has met some1 so we cant talk anymore. That would be heartbreaking!Anyway I sent him his txt after we met up: 'Thankyou for telling me what you did and your feelings. Honestly that is all I wanted. I really understand that you dont want a relationship but I just hope either you'd realise you cant not have me in your life and can't stand seeing me with another guy so you want me there or we start talking and seeing each other again and you decide you want me back. This is just how im feeling now :-/ and I just hope one day we re togther again as I feel you are the one for me xxxx'He replied with this: 'Well if im honest, all that you hope for is true. Cuz like right now, if ever I wanted a relationship, I cant deny it would be you. You is prety, adventurous, not a slag, decent job and I know you would be a good mother. And I also dont want you completely out of my life either :-) xxxx P.s would you miss my txts?'Soo.. That was the nicest thing he has said to me in a while. I want to believe him but should I? He may be telling the truth but I just dont want him saying this just to keep me there so I dont go off with another guy and then him come back when he has had his fun.I also dont know wether to keep with the emailing...I want him back I really do but is no contacting him the best way to see if he actually starts missing me and realising he cant have the best of both worlds or continue as friends so we dont ever lose contact?He really HASNT experienced he break up as I am still here and has had the benefits of a relationship.Sorry this is so long. I do appreciate good advice and feedback, it will help alot!!!
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 May 2011):
 Yes the best thing that you can do if I am honest is have no contact with him, either he wants a relationship or not, when there is feelings involved there really is no middle. Friends would work if you where over him and accepted him as a friend but at the moment it is clear that friendship is just not enough for you. You both need time apart and no contact in order to see where your lives are going.
I accept that he still cares for you but is just not wanting a relationship at the moment, that is fair enough and it is good that he is honest with you. But as you said he cant have the best of both worlds. I guess what you need to do now is to accept that you are no longer his girlfriend, that the relationship is over and dont pine all your hopes on getting it back one day, because people change there plans and nothing is ever set in stone.
So yes I think you should tell him that friendship is just way to hard for you at the moment because you think of him as more than a friend and both of you come to an agreement that there should be no more contact between you unless he decides that he made a mistake and wants you as his girlfriend.
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