A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing this guy and things are beginning to get serious. The other night he told me that his ultimate fantasy is "dp" which I just recently learned means double penetration. Where there's 2 guys on one girl. I would neverrr do that.. like not for anyone. I just think its weird. I didn't want to tell him no right off the bat because I was scared he wouldn't want to continue seeing me, but I didn't say yes either. And now he's talking about bringing in "toys" while we have sex.. I feel like couples who have been together a long time and want to spice up their sex lives do things like that. well my questions are, is it normal for a guy to like that? does that mean he's bisexual because he wants another penis in the picture? and is he just using me to experiment with things he's always wanted to do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): I think you should go with your intuition too. Also, I don't think you are either inexperienced or quite conservative, you raise some fair questions considering the circumstances.
Do most guys start talking about fantasies of double penetration, and using sex toys, with women they are in new relationships with? Certainly not, and especially not at your age.
I'm not surprised you are wondering whether or not it is typical guy behaviour. I would say either he is highly sexed and experienced in this kind of area of inticmacy, or he has watched a lot of hard porn and wants to act it out himself.
Whatever the case, remember that ones own sexual fantasies are usually quite selfish in nature and it is something that he wants to do for his gain, not yours - so you should only carry out what he wants to do if you are sure that he sees your relationship in the way you want him to.
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (6 June 2008):
 Sounds to me like he's been watching porn and wants to try out what he's seen. He (and you) may find out that things in real life get a lot messier and more complicated than in porn. Handle with care.
As for your intuition.. that he's just using you. If thats what your feelings are telling you then its quite possibly correct. You should have clear signals about how much he cares about you, and where there is respect for you, from the other parts of your relationship. Does he listen to you and act like he cares about your feelings? Does he go out of his way to make sure you are happy? If so, then no problem. If not, then address those issues before taking the sex any further.
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A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker  +, writes (6 June 2008):
 There are people who are quite happy with the "DP" sort of thing, but I think you have to be absolutely certain before you start. If you feel the slightest bit uncomfortable with the idea, then tell him it's not for you.
For most people, sex works best when it's between two people who genuinely love each other. I believe that sex is nature's way of strengthening the bond between partners - which is why for people it's so much more important in our lives than simply a method of creating children as it is with most other animals. Unless you are one of those rarer people who doesn't have the emotional need to feel close and exclusive to your partner, then involving anyone else in the sexual action is going to end in disaster sooner or later.
As far as toys and anything else he wants to do in private with you, my suggestion would be to give it a try UNLESS it involves severe pain or the risk of injury. You can always tell him you don't want to do it again, but if you've never tried it then you don't know. Sexual and sensual pleasure has a wide range of possibilities that many people never experience because they think it's "kinky" or somehow perverted. Mostly that's not true, and although everyone has a different range of what works for them and what doesn't, a bit of experimentation between loving partners can be a wonderful thing!
As Collaroy says, it may well be that some of what he is thinking of is the result of watching porn. That's not necessarily a bad thing, although it's easy to confuse the fantasy of scenes depicted on porn sites with what actually works in reality. If that's the case, why don't you ask him to show you on the Internet what he is thinking of doing or using before you agree to try it? Apart from anything else, from a purely practical point of view it would be a pity to spend money on "toys" that were never going to get used.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (6 June 2008):
 Hi,
I gather you are either inexperienced or quite conservative when it comes to sex. Now that is not a problem, it is your choice.
Firstly, the DP situation. It is a fantasy and quite common, but I doubt he really has one in mind, it's just something naughty to say to make things spicier.
Secondly, the toys, a lot of couples use toys and it really doesnt have to be because you are growing used to each other. It is something couples do early in a relationship if they are totally comfortable and trust each. It's certainly nothing to go "ewww yuck" about.
He has probably watched a lot of porn to bring out the DP fantasy as this is very common in porn movies.
At the end of the day you don't have to do anything you don't want to, but as the relationship develops you may find your sexual tastes are too conservative for his liking and you may not be compatible.
good luck.
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A
female
reader, Star_07 +, writes (6 June 2008):
 It is not necessarily "normal" for a guy to want to have a threesome. A fantasy, maybe. But for real, NO. Most people do not want to share their girlfriend/wife or boyfriend/husband with another person, although I'm sure you can find some of those on this site!
This does not mean he is bisexual if the other guy is not doing anything to him and he is not doing anything to the other guy.
I think he has seen this in porn or has heard of others doing this, and yes, experiment with you.
If you are uncomfortable bringing toys in bed and would NEVER have a "dp" then tell him ASAP. You do not have to do anything you do not want to. I wouldn't either, then again, I have NEVER been asked to do this by my current bf or any ex.
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