A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is he just using me or does he really like me? I have been friends with a lad for 6 years and we were best friends. I got a boyfriend and he got a girlfriend, we still did talk but we weren't as close. He split up with is girlfriend about a year ago and then i was still with my boyfriend. One night we were both quite drunk and i went to my friends house and he was there, we kissed, quite a few times. I didn't know why this happened and i was so ashamed beacuse i loved my boyfriend. No one found out about it, but as time went on i began to think i couldn't love my boyfriend and did i really like this other lad. I kept texting the other lad and he tried to kiss me agian another night but i told him i couldn't beacause of my boyfriend. A month later me and my boyfriend slpit up, we just argued all the time and weren't happy. I started to see a lot more of the lad again, and we beacme good friends again. One night we went out and he stayed at my house and we ended up sleeping together. I asked him if he wanted to be more than friends but he said it was to osoon after my boyfriend. We just kept sleeping together for the past few months, and i ended up telling him i really did like him. I expected him to say the same, but now he says he just wants to be friends, and thats all nothing more. Maybe all along he has just been after one thing, but i thought he was better than that, and he was my friend so he woudn't hurt me. He said a while ago he didn't want a girlfriend because his last relationship did end up very bad, and he was hurt a lot. Now i have to just be friends again, but i keep thinking i have liked him for so long. I don't want to sleep with him agian, beacuse then he is getting what he wants. Do i just leave him, or is he not intersted at all, and i should give up?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2007): I don't think you have to give up too soon if that is not what you want to do, but you need to take your power back and set some boundaries.
How do you do that? First you stop seeing him for awhile. If he calls you up or stops by for sex, you aren't available, make him work to have access to you. Men do not appreciate what is easy for them to get, the jerks, that is their makeup...so you have to stay busy wtih your own interests, your own life.
Tell him that you don't appreciate the non-returned phone call or the last minute call for a date, if he wants to get with you, he needs to call ahead and have a plan....if he does no do these things, then he is not stepping up to the plate and meeting you where you are now, and it would be best to let him go, cut him looose and move on to someone who loves and cherishes you....you deserve it, so don't settle for anything or anyone who offers you less.
A
female
reader, sweetiegirl  +, writes (5 January 2007):
 omg this sounds like my ex right to a tee wow.
ok this is how i put a stop to that, don't give him what he wants anymore, if he only wants sex then don't give it to him, if he's your friend then he'll stay your friend no matter what, put aside your feeling and just look at him as a friend and nothing more you will evenually get over that feeling, he sounds to me like he is a mean guy, leading you on then cuting you like that, you deserve better then a just sex relationship ( unless thats what you want) and to ne honest you can still be friend with him without having sex, and your right for not wanting to sleep with him again. so go with your gut and not your sex drive, you'll be fine sooner or later
good luck and hope that helps
sweetie
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