A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So A few months ago I started dating this guy, and before we became officially in a relationship he was talking/ sleeping with this other girl. When I found out, I told him that he couldn't both be with me and her, he had to make a choice. He chose to start dating me, and everything was going extremely well, until about 3 months. He broke up with me because the other girl told him that she was pregnant, and it was his. He was very apologetic about it. After we broke up he wanted to be friends, and I said yes. He dated the girl for about one month after we broke up, even thought three weeks prior she had a miscarriage. I told him that I still had feelings for him, and he said that he also had feeling s for me too. He said that he would be open to getting back together, but did't want to jump back into anything and have it end. I was ok with that answer, and I waited for a few more weeks, while he and I both hung out. It was driving me a little bit crazy to not be with him, and so I asked him again about getting back together and he said I'm not ready to make a decision right now. A few more weeks went by, and we had a small fight and a few days where we weren't even friends due to a miscommunication. We had one very frank discussion, and he told me that he wasn't ready for serious, that we didn't have all the same values and that he liked yet another girl, one who happened to be my friend. I apologized for what I did wrong, and eventually we became friends again, and in the mean while he got back together with that other girl. I asked him about it one night and after I told him I was still interested, the next day he broke it off with her. He wouldn't say it was due to that, but I feel it was. That same week, my mutual friend with him, told me something he said about me. He said that he would want to get back together with me, but wanted me to get in shape. He didn't say that to be mean, but because fitness and health were very important to him. Now we are just friends, and he has reassured me that he's not getting back together with that first girl ever again, but he still talks about liking other girls. He also said that he hopes that we will both be good for each other down the road. Another thing that makes things more complicated is that occasionally we will snuggle, or sleep next to each other when one of us stays over at the other's place.So my question is this, what exactly is going on. Is he just not ready for anything serious and he needs to play the field more? Or is it just not the right time? Or was he trying to break it to me easy, because he kept saying in the future yes but not right now? Is it just something I have to be patient with, should I ask him about it?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2015): There are teenage boys with a lot more "maturity" than this guy has. And there are adult men who are still just as "immature."
Don't waste your life waiting around for selfish guys to grow out of being who they are.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for answering, its just so confusing. I already know deep down that he isn't mature at all; but sadly I still want him, not necessarily as he is now, but in the future. I know that some may say I'm lowering my self worth by wanting him, but sadly the heart wants what it wants. That may seem like a cop out answer/reply, but I just don't want to get over him completely. I care about him too much. We are friends for right now, and its driving me crazy that I'm not with him, but I for some reason feel the need to hold on and wait for the future. I'm not saying that if someone better came along I wouldn't go out with them, I'm just saying that I don't want to be with anyone else. I don't know if I made it apparent in the original post, but he never literally said that I needed to loose weight, he said "if she were to get in better fitness I would want to get back with her." I don't believe that he's saying I'm unattractive, because he has reassured me that I am still attractive, just fitness/health is very important to him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 March 2015):
 Is he just not ready for anything serious and he needs to play the field more?
He doesn't know what he wants, other then sex.
I don't think he is mature enough or ready for a REAL relationship. After all the guy was having unprotected SEX with one girl while "dating" another. And when girl #1 told him she was pregnant he bailed on girl #2. And now.... that #1 is no longer pregnant... he is bailing her her for #2.. at least till #2 gets him mad or makes demands.. then he dumps her.
And then we have the whole... "I will get back with her if she gets fit" -so now he is basically telling you that YOU are NOT good enough AS YOU ARE to date him, YOU will have to CHANGE how you look in order for him to "demean" himself to dating you. HE KNOWS you are keen on him, and he is setting YOU up for failure. Because IF you don't lose xx lbs or dye your hair or whatever ridiculous demands he has, HE has a FREE pass to DUMP you. HE isn't looking for you to be HEALTHY. He is nit picking you to make YOU feel like YOU are not good enough. HE is a full on immature little TWAT.
Honey, you are WASTING your time on this guy. His decisions are made by his libido, not his brain. HE is using you. And he is USING the knowledge that you have the hots for him.
DATE someone who LIKES you for YOU. Who WANTS to BE with you.
Tell him to go fly a kite.
And DO NOT let guys treat you like dirt. Not this one, and not the next one.
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