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female
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anonymous
writes:I want my boyfriend of 5 years to live with me and my 2 children but he is reluctant to move in with me because he said it would be unfair on the kids.Trouble is,he knew when he met me that i had children and i would of thought after 5 years he would want to take our relationship to the next level? Do you think he is just making excuses? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2006): Your are correct...you and your children are a package deal. Sadly , he's being quite clear. about where he stands. He does not want to be a father. So just realize, every minute you spend focusing on this guy..it's another minute that's holding you back from a better future and much better opportunities, namely another kind, caring man who will be committed to you and your kids and will want to commit to you fully and make a life with youand your family. As long you have this current bf hanging around, you will never be able to put your heart, soul and mind into getting the best, most committed relationship, meant for you with someone else. You want someone in your life that will give his best and cherish you and your family. As I said in my other below posting, it's definitely time to reassess, hun and make a decision,
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your input,but he said that he didn't want to play stepdad to my children even though i never asked him to.I just dont feel he is serious about me.I came as a package and for him to accept me then i feel he should accept my children but i think after 5 years my patience is wearing a bit thin.Seeing him twice a week and him going back to his place just isn't enough.
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female
reader, sarah y +, writes (14 September 2006):
You need to sit down with your boyfriend without your children present and ask him why he feels this way.Maybe suggest he stays over at the weekends to see how he interacts with your children and how your children feel with your boyfriend around.Then after a trial period re-assess the situation and discuss how you feel it both went.Maybe in time his feelings and attitude will change and he will move in permanently.I don`t think he is making excuses just being over cautious and taking your childrens feelings into consideration,not many men would do that.........Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2006): You and your bf have totally different expectations of what you both want from this relationship. If no promises or prior plans and discussions were talked about in regards to where this relationship was headed then you made an assumption about him and he told you he does not want the same thing as you. So no...I don't think he is making excuses--I do think he's being honest. It's his life and he makes his own choices here. Sit and communicate and tell him what you want but do it lovingly, calmly and maturely. If he's not ready to move in with you and commit to a ready made family, then you may have to simply accept that. That's a monumental responsibility for a man and it sounds like he's content to continue dating you but not ready to commit to helping you raise your kids. If you cannot accept his decision then perhaps you may have to reassess this relationship. Good luck, dear.
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