A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I went to a bar last night and made out with a guy from my college for nearly an hour, before I went home. In class today he talked to me and all, and we hung out during a couple of the breaks, but he didn't try ... anything. So I was a bit confused. I went there after-hours to get some stuff and found him in a study room and we wound up talking for like three hours or so. I brought up how weird it was to be making friends with someone AFTER a hookup, and he was like, "What, we can't talk?" and I said, "That's not what I mean at all. It's just...this is weird. I want to know, like...where do we go from here?" And he said he'd seen me before, had taken notice in me, thought I was attractive etc, and that last night at the bar he was surprised I'd waved back when he waved at me. He never thought anything would happen, but it did and...well. He says there's still some unresolved issues with his ex and he's afraid to keep anything - however casual, because I've said I am so NOT in the market for a new relationship right now (as I just broke up with my ex) - because he's afraid one will fall for the other and it'll be messy. He doesn't need that right now. He walked me back to my dorm and gave me his coat because it was FREEZING outside, and it was a nice gesture that made me a bit confused. I don't even know what to do about any of this. I just want to know, does this sound like a real reason? Or is he just blowing smoke about rejecting me and throwing around a random excuse? He asked if I'd still talk to him after all of this, and I was like, "Why wouldn't I?..." but right now I keep wondering maybe I should just let this go.
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female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (5 June 2011):
 And how do we often sabotage possibly great RS's with doubt.
We get ahead of the game. If we all took the time to talk first and get the facts, we might just be able to call it before the doubts start.
Think of love as a negotiation, sitting around the table of discussion and disclosure thus avoiding future collateral damage.
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (5 June 2011):
 he sounds like a nice guy who respects you enough to give you the truth, so you are both not ready for relationships coz you are both recently split from your exes, he is happy to be friendly to you around college, just keep it on that level for the time being, why do you want to rush into something? it may develop into more when the time is right. don't blow this by trying to rush him coz he sounds like a good person
x
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