A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend doesn't seem like most guys I've known and he has me puzzled. I took his virginity about two months ago and the sex we have is pretty good. I'm his first for all things sexual, so ive been patient and so forth. He is very confused by female anatomy and very apprehensive as to what he should do to pleasure me. I tell him where and how. I direct his hand, but he is just a stranger in a strange land. I am pretty open sexually and feel comfortable discussing things to try to better our activity. So yesterday I asked what he watches in porn with girls. He previously told me that he only watches girl on girl because he doesn't want to see another mans penis. I thought that was a bit of an immature and insecure viewpoint, but didn't say anything. So i asked him what he watches girls do and he wouldn't tell me. He said it was too awkward to even think about talking about. I told him I didn't feel weird about discussing the porn he watches because im okay with it and I was just going to sort of use it as a bit more of a teaching tool and he just kept saying it was so awkward to talk about that with me. My previous boyfriends never had issues with seeing another guys penis, talking about porn, or discussing the way we like to be pleasured. So this strikes me as odd. I have no issue with most porn and watch it myself. I even like to watch with my partner here or there. I see no shame in it and if I'm willing to have sex with someone then I should surely be able to maturely talk about the sex I'm having. Another thing that has bothered me is that he isn't willing to reciprocate oral sex. He says he will try but that it isn't something he wants to do. That hurts my feelings because I love giving him oral for the sake of just making him feel good. That excites me, but he doesn't reciprocate that enjoyment of giving singular pleasure. He loves to know that I am enjoying the sex we have but isn't too keen on giving me the individual attention. I talked to him last night and said it was sort of selfish to not be willing to give the same tO your partner who always is willing to give to you. He said I was right and that he was sorry, but I don't know what to do from here. Does he just need more time to open up to me sexually? Is he immature? What's the deal? I know not everyone is extremely sexually open, but I feel like there shouldn't be awkwardness between a partner you love and the sexual experiences you share. How can I urge him to be more open? Or am I overstepping his boundaries if I try?
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female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (15 September 2011):
 He was still a virgin two months ago, give the poor boy a break.
You sound like you are very experienced sexually and know what you want and how you want it done. That all comes with experience.
Think back to when you lost your virginity - did you know what to do instantly? Did you know how to please your partner or did he have to show you? How far into the relationship did you start giving oral sex?
I feel you are putting way too much pressure on this guy, making him run before he can walk and making him do things he isnt yet ready to do. It is all a learning experience (to you its normal, been there, done it, got the tshirt). For him, its scary. And the more pressure you put on him, the less likely he is to respond if he thinks he isnt doing it right.
He isnt immature, he is just inexperienced, shy, scared and a bit 'bunny in headlights'. Not all men are confident sexual predators who will jump on women from day 1.
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