A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I screwed up and I need help trying to figure out if and how it can be fixed. Back in September, I met a wonderful man. A truly nice guy that every girl talks about wanting to meet someday. Problem was, I wasn't ready to be dating. However, my friends convinced me to try. We went out one Friday night and had a great time. He then brought me dessert the following Monday. I tried to tell him no, but he insisted. See, I was starting to feel sick, had a lot of work to do for the next day, and was generally crabby. He just wouldn't take no for an answer so.....Sure enough, I got sick. I got REALLY sick. To the point where on Wednesday, my principal sent me home and taught the rest of my classes for me that day. I didn't get out of bed for two days, not even to go downstairs to watch tv on my sofa. I had no voice and when Mr. Nice Guy called me, I couldn't talk to him. He told me to call him when I felt better and well, this is where I screwed up. I didn't leave my house from Wed. until Mon when I went back to work. Even then, I still felt terrible. For two weeks, I felt like I had a sinus infection that wouldn't go away. I canceled plans with friends and everything for two weeks and did nothing more than go to work and come home. I didn't even cook. My mother came over with dinner for me every night. Then, I got busy. Really busy. I have a second job, consulting, and was having to do lots of traveling. I was gone from mid-October through Thanksgiving. I wanted to call Mr. Nice Guy, I really did but...by the time I was ready to call him, had time to really try to see where things could go, it was December and how do you call someone out of the blue 3 months later and say "I'm feeling better, now!"? The day after Christmas, I read an article in the paper about an event his company was hosting. I saw this as my perfect excuse to see him again. I convinced my two girlfriends to go to the event with me and it was planned. Well, a guy friend (my bff of 15+ years) changed the plans. He wanted to go check out this place the week before my girlfriends and I were going to go. I tried to talk him out of it, but before I could blink, there we were, walking into the building and Mr. Nice Guy was directly in front of me, staring. I introduced my friend, he clarified that he was just my friend, and immediately Mr. Nice Guy said "Hi, I'm Mr. Nice Guy, the owner of this place." I was taken aback as that was a new development since we had seen each other. I was happy for him but still trying to find a way to get out of there ASAP. That night, I sent Mr. Nice Guy a text, said it was good seeing him (which it REALLY was) and apologized if we had made him feel weird or uncomfortable. He said no, it was cool and he was looking forward to seeing me at the event the next weekend. Well, the event was yesterday and when we got there, he said hi and that he thought we weren't coming as he hadn't seen us all day. He then played the avoidance game but understandably since he is the owner and was working. He left us talking to his brother most of the night. His brother and the co-owner both knew who I was before I knew who they were. They also knew about the guy I was with last weekend.....At one point, Mr. Nice Guy came over and suggested we possibly go for a walk. I agreed and he said he'd see if he could get free for a bit. He never did. We talked a bit but kept getting interrupted. He really wasn't wanting to listen to why I hadn't called him either but.......Later, as the evening wore down, he told me he was too busy for anything relationship wise. Now, I know he's busy but he's no busier now then he was a few months ago. What I don't get, is the change. He puffed up and had to show his status when I went in with another guy...clearly showing off. He said he was looking forward to seeing me, he was obviously looking for me to show up, he wanted to go walking alone at first then all of a sudden just flipped. I'm so confused and have no idea what to do now. I really, really like this guy. I'm ready to be dating again. I want him to know that the guy I was with was truly just a friend, and that the whole reason I was there last night was to see him again because I didn't know how else to get in touch with him and reconnect. His brother said he has dated a bit since, but there is no one in his life. He's obviously talked about me. What do I do next? How can I get him to give me a second chance?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2011): Watch...like no one is dancing
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2011): Hey, I'm just a narcissist trying to get through life like the rest of you. I’ve been here at Dear Cupid a while and have crystallized some thoughts about human interaction and emotional and physical health.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2011): I live with the yin and yang symbol around my neck and tattooed on my back to always remind to find my balance and help others find their balance in this world. I'm open to any questions you may want to ask me, I promise I will do my best. I'm not afraid to cry or show emotion but I will also kick butt with eight years of Shotokan karate training.Yeah, it's plain to see that baby you're beautiful And there's nothing wrong with you... It's me, I'm a freak but thanks for lovin' me Cause you're doing it perfectly
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (31 January 2011):
 Great courage, on your part. And not easy to do. I hope he recognises that. He can be in no doubt that you are interested. Now the ball is in his court.
And I know this guy is very important to you. So I absolutely hope it works out exactly as you hope it will.
If it works I'll be happy for you.
If he can forgive, then it will signal that he maybe is for you. Be patient and give him time to mull over your offer.
However don't think there is just the one and only amazing unique man in the world who is irreplaceably a perfect match for you.
It is the greatest fallacy in the world that only ONE person on this earth is our perfect match. People in love like to believe this fallacy. But the truth is life allows us choice. Of course people who keep trim and are genuinely nice people, have attractive personalities and look good have more opportunities to meet more perfect guys. The smart people choose one of those perfect guys and cherish that one perfect guy.
So there is the truth. There really are multiple perfect guys who (potentially) can meet all your needs and criteria, and make you very happy. And Vice a Versa.
You just have not met them all yet. Though you only need ONE of these perfect guys. And while all of the potential gorgeous lovely guys could be guys who could love and adore you in return, only ONE will be required to do so.
The important decision is for you to choose the one perfect man amongst all of those lovely men. Where the man is available to you (not married, not in love with someone else, and wants a relationship with you), loves you, and wants to be your sole love (and will make a decision, before you become a couple, to never be unfaithful to you). And a man who really has his act together.
So even if the guy you are currently targeting says no, you can still widen your search.
A special guy, who is the ONE may already live nearby.
Or a special guy, who also could be the ONE may live hundreds of miles away. He may not look exactly like the guy you are targeting, but one of those special guys, none of whom you have met yet, may have other positive qualities that you have not yet envisaged.
So don't feel down, if this first perfect guy ignores you. For there are many opportinities before you, still to come, where you will meet lovely guys. If your preferred perfect guy is not the one, you still have options.
You can still find and choose a different perfect guy. They are out there.. And then pour all your mutual energy into building a solid gold relationship with each other.
The reason I am saying this above is that there are so many people in the world who convince themselves that there is only One perfect partner. But there are many. And one of them can fulfill all your dreams and love you back.
Life should not be 100% work and no fun. When we take time to relax and enjoy life, outside work, we give ourselves more chances to meet someone very special.
All work and no fun is not the way to enjoy life.
Work: Life balance is important for our future happiness.
I'm crossing my fingers for you that the first guy works out well for you. Regards Abella
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the response. The other guy is my BFF from college. We've known each other for 10+ years. When I introduced him to Mr. Nice Guy, he made sure to say he was just a friend but I think Mr. Nice Guy just heard blah, blah, blah. His friend last night was convinced there was something more between my friend and I. I tried to assure him there definitely isn't but.......The hard truth of the matter is I got scared and I ran. Now I'm trying to go back (something I've never even wanted to do before let alone actually do it) and I'm not sure how. I know there will never be a third chance, heck, I'm not sure there's going to be a second but I really want to try. I called him this evening but he of course didn't take my call. I left a message suggesting we meet for coffee or dessert or something and asked him to call me. Now, I'm just going to give him some space and hope he at least calls me. If not, I'm not sure what, if anything, my next move should be.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (30 January 2011):
You could certainly try to re-establish contact. But your track record towards him would have made him feel that you do not care. And then you did not stand up to your ex. Of course this other man might think you are not being genuine with him.
Keep it very low key. Perhaps ask if you could meet for coffee. And don't be pushy in any way. Don't play hard to get, but don't also want to rush headlong into it. A second brush off like the first where you do not contact him for ages would finish off your chances for good with this guy.
He no doubt feels disrespected and brushed off by your actions. Proceed slowly and try not to leave him wondering like you did the first time. Even when seriously sick you could have sent a text.
Yes do at least try one more time. Best Wishes and hope it turns out better this time
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