A
female
age
36-40,
*ichole.cull
writes:This September makes 3 years for me and my fiance, our son will be 2 in September as well and we have also learned that I am now 10 weeks along with our second child. I am about to turn 19 this October and My fiance is now 23. Last year we decided to get married and I had almost everything planned out and ready to go, but something came up and it got cancelled. Then not long after we needed to take a break from each other. About a month after the "break" he finally got me a ring and finally proposed the "right" way I guess you could say. We set up another wedding date for this August - the 29th. We hadn't planned on doing anything great or grand this year, just a little court house ceremony. Well after 5 months of me being excited and us planning on doing this he waits till the first week of August to decided that hey were not ready, and calls off the wedding indefinitely again. My question is - Is he getting cold feet and if so what do I do or is he just saying we're going to get married to satisfy me and was never really intending to go through with it? I'm about to have our second child, I feel like it's do or die now. We're either going to finally get married like we've been planning for a year and a half or it's time for us to figure out if we need to move on. What should I do?
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female
reader, Nichole.cull +, writes (10 August 2007):
Nichole.cull is verified as being by the original poster of the questionoh and also if i take off my engagement ring he gets very pissed off. so really i dont know whats going on with him. ive even tried taking the ring putting it back in the box and giving it back to him, to show that im not going to toy around... but i guess i break down and always put it back on, my im just to much of a pushiver and hes feeding off of that and manipulating that to call the shots. idk...
A
female
reader, Nichole.cull +, writes (10 August 2007):
Nichole.cull is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIve tried to talk to him about it and you know tried to ask him are you scared - are you getting cold feet whats going on with you. and i dont really get much " no thats not it" " were just not ready" blah blah i just sit back and think no its not us thats not ready its you. im perfectly ready. when ever i bring it up he gets mad and starts telling me that im a selfish "B" because getting maried is all that i care about, that i dont care about fixing things with us. and then he tells me that all im worried about it fulfilling (sp) a childhood fantasey. if that was true as soon as he called it off i would have packed up and moved out - theres a million guys out there thats ready to get married i mean come on its not that hard to go out there and find something new, but thats not what i want - ive been with this man for 3 years, ive given everything i could possibly give to him, hes the only guy ive ever slept with i gave him a beautiful son, having another one of his children. Im about to be 19. im to young to be having another child let alone have the one i have, but i do and i dont regret it by anymeans my son is my life, i just think that theres a certin point in which it is time to settle down and commit to eachother. and i feel that we are well past that point. maybe i just have a warped perception on how things should work...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2007): leave him alone with his week decision, you and your kids doesnt desrve this kind of man. let him know he is hurting you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2007): Yeah he's probably getting cold feet. But you need to be more assertive about what you want and what you will put up with. I mean he's kind of taking advantage of your submissiveness by having the gaul to call of the wedding. AGAIN.
You really need to assert yourself here. You can't just let him get away with doing that and let him dominate this decision and play with your heart like that. He's kind of walking all over you, cause if he had any respect and love for this relationship he would have never even dreamed of calling it off the first time around. Don't just let him think that he can just call all the shots as he pleases and you will still be there for the next time he changes his mind.
Tell him what he did is unacceptable. And that you WANT to get married. It's still not too late. And if he won't budge then your moving on. I think he does love you so you don't have anything to worry about. But be more assertive.
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