A
female
age
51-59,
*ider1
writes:My husband has admitted to me on several occasions, today included that he is just "not that much into kissing." He especially does not like french-kissing.For some reason he finds it to be gross. As a result of our intimacy issues,also due to his porn addiction, our almost 6-year marriage has not been consummated. Even though he tells me upon my questioning him whether or not he might be gay or bi-sexual, his answer is always the same "no." He keeps on telling me that he feels that he is perfectly capable of having a normal sex life with me, but I'm really dubious of this. That's because he feels that we can skip the other stuff: french-kissing,cunnilingus, but he would prefer me to pleasure him with giving him a blow job, as a means of fore-play before sex. In other words, he prefers that I meet his needs and pleasures and not visa-versa. My question to all of this is that by him being selfish, is he telling me in not so many words that he in fact could be gay, due to the simple fact that he has strange issues with kissing his wife, in a romantic way????
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female
reader, rider1 +, writes (23 July 2010):
rider1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, I do agree that although my husband does have deep serious intimacy issues, at the same time our marriage is good in other ways. For example we both really love and care about eachother. We both are available to eachother emotionally. Our marriage also is filled with trust and honesty, as well as companionship. Because of the other good qualities or aspects, it has been and is very hard for me to leave him. I know that at the same time I have neglected myself sexually, and therefore have been celibate for the past 12 yrs (that's how long we have been together, not counting the past 5 1/2 years that we have been married. I married him, b/c not only do I love him, but also because I was hoping that by taking our realationship to the next level, that things would change drastically, for the better. Of course it didn't. Even though my husband is reading a self-help book about porn addiction and is starting to look at porn less, I'm still concerned that he will not even consider going to marriage counseling with me. I'm the one who has been seeing a counselor about this, for the past 7 months. I am now going to plan on seeing an actual sex therapist or a psychologist about this. All in all, I am dealing with a marriage that would be considered to be a paradox, with my husband being able to be there for me emotionally, but sexually unavailable.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2010): you poor thing! I was in a relationship with a porn addict for 4 years and it was exactly as you describe :( He would give me affectionate kisses (mouth closed) but nothing sexy that might lead to sex! Here's the thing, he admitted to his addiction and sought help because it was driving me insane, but he was not able to kick it ......so I left :( This is an extremely hard addiction to kick and your husband does not have a foot on the road to recovery, so you are looking at a minimum of 3-5 years of the same stuff....do you really want to stay around for that? That's a choice only you can make....
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (22 July 2010):
6 Years!? Well, if he's not gay, he has major issues with sex. I'd suggest that you get a divorce and move on from him. You can't be there doing as he wants while he watches porn while you sit there unsatisfied. Certainly he could be gay, or he could have huge intimacy problems. Either way, the time has come for you to make a decision about whether you want to be in this marriage anymore.
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A
female
reader, johannabanana +, writes (22 July 2010):
 This guy definitely has some issues.... I think you should see a marriage councilor. Have you ever thought about looking through some of the porn he watches? If he is gay he would be watching Gay porn... A straight man would never want to want to guys doing it. They find that to be sick... Simple go to the top of your internet screen and look across the top bar. There should say history. Click it and all the webpages visited on your computer will come up. Find his porn websites and find out what he is looking at and you will know his sexuality.(Lesbian porn is definitely what straight guys like)
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