A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my mate has been texting a guy she used to like a lot until yesterday! they were getting on really well. she went on his a social site page to write on his wall and tell him that he cudnt text her til later that night because she woz busy. when she got on their there was 2 messages from a girl saying you are beautiful to me ure fit summat like that and she saw it and txtd him sayin don't txt me again. and he woz like oh it woz a joke wot she wrote she goes out wid my best mate. I told her he shudnt be talking to her best mates girl like that! and she agreed wid me. this lad she txting always telling her I love you cant wait to meet you. they ment to be meeting in a few wks and she started txtin him thru a mate so she knows how is who he says he is. so anyway she believed him but she sed she wont speak to him the same again. they used to be ryt close. like on a morning he wud text her saying good morning miss sexy hunny and she wud text back saying morning mr cutie. but now he texted her this morning good morning gorgeous and she just texted back hiya. she sed she cant text him the same again all she can think bout is what that girl sed and HE actually sed it back to her. she dont know am actually asking dis 2 anyone but I dont what to advise her to do! what do you think she should do? stop talking to him? try to pretend it never happened and forget bout the girl-and if so how can she forget bout the girl cos she cant stop thinking bout it!? thank you.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (14 April 2010):
 You're welcome. I know she has a good friend in you and I expect you'll help her. I just want to remind you that texting isn't really the basis of a relationship. Face-to-face, actual time spent with the person is how you get to know someone. It's also important not to believe things that aren't there!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much. i showed her your answer and she deleted his number and blocked him on facebook and the girls boyfriend DOES exist but they shudnt be that close. they have talked on the phone a few times and he woz all lyk i love u nd all that cant wait to meet you. when i get a car i'm gonna come over and c u. but she sed its not worth the trouble and just forgot about him. thank youuu again xxxxx
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 April 2010):
Okay, I am trying to understand the situation here. This texting etiquette is very confusing.
So you have a girl friend, who likes a guy. Let's call them Sally and Bill, just so I can keep it straight. Sally has never actually met Bill in real life. They met through a friend and started texting. They text a lot and Sally was starting to really care for Bill through all the texts. They have never met or spoken on the phone (which is what phones used to be used for), is that correct?
So then Sally goes to Bill's facebook (or similar site) page and there's a message from another girl, Jane. Jane is telling Bill he is attractive.
Sally is very upset with Bill for responding to Jane's message on his own wall and tells him to stop texting her. Bill now is trying to text Sally again, but she is not having it because of this Jane girl, even though Bill says Jane is just a mate's girlfriend.
So now let me talk about this for a bit. I take it that Sally considers Bill her boyfriend, even though they have never met? They use words like sexy and cutie and gorgoeous to talk about each other. I'm going to go out on a limb here. This isn't a proper boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. This is just text flirting. Sally has invested much more into this relationship than the relationship actually is worth right now.
I'm not saying that they won't ever be together and a real couple, but right now, they are not actually a couple. I don't know what the definition would be in this new age of virtual relationships but I think Sally needs to stop trying to treat this as some sort of sin on Bill's part. She's not his girlfriend, she doesn't really have the standing to comment on what another friend, male or female, might write on Bill's wall. She's inflated this into something it isn't. Maybe someday it could be, but right now all it is is some cute messages back and forth on a phone.
I would advise Sally to adjust her expectations of how much she can control Bill's behavior or that of Bill's friends. I would assume Jane actually knows Bill, has met him and hangs out with him and his mate in real life. Jane has the right to write whatever she likes on Bill's wall, and Bill has the right to write back. If anyone thinks it looks like flirting, well, that's a matter for Bill and Jane and Jane's boyfriend (assuming he really exists), and not Sally at all.
I think I would tell Sally to forget worrying about a silly boy whom she has never met, nor apparently ever even spoken with, voice to voice over the phone. Any comments, compliments, flirts, whatever is said over the text doesn't really have any bearing in real life, because they don't have any idea if they would actually fancy each other yet; they haven't met!
This boy could also have 12 girls that he texts each morning and just enjoys getting girls to fall for him. To actually meet each other and date and spend time together would be the next step, and THEN Sally can get jealous of Jane. Before that, with the ways things are right now? She's in a fantasy world, I'm sorry to report.
I hope you encourage her to spend time with real, live people and keep her busy with some fun activities. Plan an outing, go shopping, find someone to help out, volunteer for something, do some athletic activity. That should help her keep her mind off Bill, until such time as they might actually meet in real life.
Good luck, you sound like a very caring person and a good friend to have around!
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