A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I am with a man with whom I have been living for three years, recently I have been noticing signs of cheating.About two months ago we were home one night naked when someone knocked at the door. After he recognised the person he went outside for about two minutes,I got up and started washing some dishes. While washing the dishes I felt a shadow behind me and look around to see a woman asking me 'who am I' I told her to ask my man and she did right there, his reply was,'my girlfriend'. The girl then left. He eventually convinced me that it was one of his ex who was away. Yesterday I saw instant messages coming in to him from a girl saying he is a liar and she wont be allowing him to c their child when it born? He does not know that I know, Should I confront him? If yes how do I go about doing so?
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female
reader, Ticka  +, writes (30 April 2009):
I am the person who asked the question. He finally admitted to having sex with her but said he used a condom so he knows nothing about her being pregnant.
What do you think should be my next step?
Do you think I should call the girl and question her?
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (29 April 2009):
 Start by finding the ideal time to approach him, when he's in a good mood, or feeling relaxed. Then you might simply say, "I have this weird feeling that there are some things you haven't told me..."
A woman's intuition is rarely challenged by a man because they don't have one. So rather than saying you peeked at his phone, just make it seem like you're "sensing" some things he may be hiding from you. Or you could say a friend told you that there may be some things going on that he needs to fill you in on. See what he says. Hopefully he'll come clean and tell you the whole story. If he doesn't, you'd better keep snooping or you'll be in the dark completely about his other life.
Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, niki20  +, writes (28 April 2009):
 woah. i would just come out and say it. ask him for the truth. if he denies the child then he wouldnt have any problem taking a paternity test.
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A
male
reader, Ralph_123  +, writes (28 April 2009):
Yes, you should confront him. But there will be certain things that I suppose, you should keep in mind while doing this.
1. Always remain calm: There is nothing better than remaining calm, in everything. Even if he surprises you on various things, you shoud remain calm. A small amount of over reaction may make the things go worse and ultimately out of control. And precaution is better than cure. This is because while talking he will surely be aware of his mistake (everyone is aware of their mistakes inside), and so he will b in a frustrating state. He internally wants everything to be normal. So, to make him more comfortable so that he speaks the truth, by remaining calm and humble. The moment he finds that the discussion is coming to a conclusion that he will be found guilty at last, then yuor husband will start blending lies into whatever he is saying to you. This is normally done by someone to save himself from a more worsening situation. No one likes to be blamed.
2. Do not blame him straight. - While discussing, try to speak the words that " Whatever position that lady holds up in your life, I feel u know better to handle it, but i think SHE IS NOT DOING IT RIGHT, HER STEPS WITH YOU ARE MESSING UP OUR LIFE." (the words I highlighted r to be kept in much concern). Try to say this at proper time. This will positively help him to give some room for him on the safer side. As by saying so you've shifted the blame from him to the 3rd person. This will make him comfortable. And he'll start pouring the blame on that 3rd person ( in the same time will speak up all the truth too! which you're waiting to catch).
3. Try to end the discussion where in he does not feel guilty. End the confrontation in a good positive way.
4. After the confrontation just start understanding more of his needs. It may happen, that your lack in somethings is making him keep anysuch relationships.
That's all.
I hope things get better. Good luck.
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