A
female
age
30-35,
*rincess166
writes:Hi everyonesorry if this is long and confusing!Ive been seeing a guy for the last two months, in the beginning he was very keen and had been chasing me for quite a while, texting me all the time wanting to hang out and chatting on msn often. We have a lot in common, listen to the same bands and would send me parcels of cds, viynls and tshirts of bands i liked and the one he is in. He seems to make an effort with my parents and comes into the house and talks to my parents to say hi when he comes to pick me up to go out. he also insists on paying for EVERYTHING even when i inisist on paying and drives me when we go out. Also We"ve both admitted that we like each other early on. After the first two times we went out for dinner, he would text me straight away after saying how much fun he had with me and saying we should do it again soon goodnight etc. he went out of state for the weekend to play some shows and txted me the whole time saying how he couldnt wait to see me and wanted to go on a getaway holiday just the two of us. We kissed the third time we went out (he also introduced me to all his close friends), and i didnt get a msg or any calls from him, so i msged him saying how much fun i had. he msged me back after saying he thought i was amazing and to see him soon. i was suprised he didnt msg me after the date seeing as we kissed. the next week on a friday when i wasnt available he texted me saying he missed me and wanted to see me the next day a movie with me and hug. i agreed and didnt hear from him all until evening when i got a text saying his band was playing a last minute show and that he'd rather hang with me but had no choice but to play and invited me to come but i declined, so then we both arranged plans to see a movie together the next evening, we kissed at the end of the night but no news from him after. so i sent him a msg saying thankyou for the night, and he said that he loved being around me and to see him again soon.that was the last time i saw him which was last week, and since then he hasnt made any arrangements to see me. There is also a slight age gap, im 19 and he is 25. an he is always busy with his band and is leaving on tour soon in two days and still havent heard anything from him. am i being silly by not contacting/calling/msging him when he doesnt make a move? My question is, now that we both kissed, is he bored and now that the chasing is over is he not interested in me anymore? Is it silly that i get anxious that he hardly texts me as much as he did before? it feels as though it is my turn to do the chasing? And does kissing constitute as dating or just seeing each other?thanks everyone, sorry if this was confusing!
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female
reader, PaigeAlexxandra  +, writes (28 September 2009):
 Girlfriend,I didn't find this question the least bit confusing, but I'm sure you're finding your situation extremely confusing and probably a little scary. Once I had someone who was "Now you see me, now you don't".....he did all the things your Mr. Wonderful did, but gee, OUT OF NOWHERE he had to leave, had to cancel, and yet before he went and did WHATEVER IT IS HE WAS REALLY DOING (he was the lead singer for a band), he made sure to keep his good name by texting me to let me know how wonderful I was; how he loved being around me. Would you believe I found he was sending that same exact text to a whole HANDFUL of females before he left to go hang out with OTHER FEMALES; talk about a nutso life; kissing has nothing do do with it; a kiss is just a kiss when you've got to be the one who always has to make the first move to 'speak' to him. My suggestion? I STRONGLY suggest that you apply the following as BEST AS YOU CAN if you really want to know where you stand with this dude.1. Stop texting him completely.2. Ignore most of his texts; calls; don't answer for five times; answer on 6th or 7th call and act light and breezy and out of breath and tell him 'oh i'm so sorry; i got caught up and couldn't answer you'...........when he wants to know where you were, be vague and say, 'oh, it's a long story, i'm too wound up to talk about it, so what have you been up to?' and seriously; breeze right through your non-answer and launch into questioning HIM ABOUT WHAT HES BEEN DOING. Whatever you do; force yourself to act happy, laughing, and then suddenly say; 'hey, listen, i've gotta run, let me text you later, ok? sorry babe, talk soon' and hang up; not HIM HANG UP FIRST; you hang up first and though you've just fed him a plate of garbage (twisted the truth a bit so he can see you are able to survive without him!), well, even if you feel the opposite, you need to act like you're pushing him away....Humans being humans means NOT that you'll succeed at pushing him away (though it'll sure feel like it), but that you'll be plating a seed in his head that he doesn't like, which makes him interested in the chase and on and on it goes.The thing is........WHY DO YOU WANT THIS GUY BACK? He's unpredictable, seems as though he'd NOT want to date a 19 year old (no offense but HUUUUUUGE changes happen in those 6 years, and he knows you've not got that experience!), but hey; if you're willing to do what he's REALLY EXPECTING FROM YOU, and if he gets it, then you can plan on being a yo yo for the rest of your life cos the guys just going to jerk you around all over the place; and by then, you'll have lost the 'self' that you haven't even DEVELOPED YET! What a TERRIBLE THING TO DO TO YOURSELF! over a GUY?God no; guys are the best, but the one you're describing needs to be kicked to the curb; it hurts like hell, but if you BELIEVE that it's a process and is temporary, AND IF YOU FOLLOW THE 'WHO CARES?' rules I described, then you'll end up seeing his true colors and won't will ask yourself in the not too far future, "What in the hell did I waste all that time on that jerk for?"You will!Pull the YOU that you're meant to be together first; then go out and tackle the jungle creatures. Don't let them make you 'Jane' to their TARZAN~! YEAH, right!xxAlexx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): It sounds like he really likes you, but you sound very clingy and insecure. He obviously has a lot to cope with at the moment if his band is going on tour.
If you want to know just how much he likes you.. stop making any contact with him....
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