A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, There is this guy I lost my virginity to. he's 23 and we were friends with benefits for months but i felt like I was being used so I said I couldnt do it anymore. He then asked me to be his girlfriend and intoduced me to his friends as his girlfriend but then he started to freak out about this new label and said that he felt pressure now to hang out w/ his "girlfriend"He told me that he wanted space but also didnt want to lose me and didnt talk to me for a week. When i called him, he said that he needs to get his grades up to get into law school and he just need to focus on that. He said that he doesnt want a girlfriend right now but also really doesnt want to lose me. He asked if we could still hang out and be friends but I said that it would be really hard for me to just be friends, at least right now. He sounded so sad on the phone and kept saying he doesnt want to lose me and says that he gets attached with the people he has sex with. I dont want to waste any more emotion on him because he has really hurt me but I also want to try to be friends.Should I give him a chance? Do you think he is being being genuine and really wants to be friends or does he just think he will get the "benefits" again? Also, my friends keep sayong that if I just be cool around him, and not be so "available" he will want me back, like now that he cant have me, he will want me more, will that work?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2008): this guy is jerking your chain, he doesn't want as a girlfriend he wants you as an available booty call his idea of friend is a fuck buddy he doesn't wanna commit but he wants to sleep with! if you want to take him up on his offer and be friends with him then do, but don't sleep with him! if he's legit about his intentions and wanting to be just friends for now then he want try to take you to bed!
and besides do you really want someone like him who's so wishy washy, and plays with your emotions!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2008): Im sorry to say it but being friends is not going to work.The only way it could work is if you both put any feelings you might have in the back of your mind and leave them there.But that is easier said than done.If he got so attached to you after sex,then he should WANT to have you as his girlfriend.If you feel that both of you are able to pursue a frienship without letting sex or emotions get in the way,then give it a try.But i wouldnt be surprised if problems occur down the road.Just be very careful and pay attention to his actions.If he starts acting like he just wants a friends with benefits deal,then you shouldnt stick around.good luck to you
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A
female
reader, macsgrl +, writes (14 October 2008):
i think you should say okay to being just friends and then see what happens with him. if he just wants to talk and hang out then maybe he is being sincere. if he starts acting like he wants to have sex or only calls you for sex than you will know he just wants to be friends with benifits. i agree with your friends too don't be so available (you shouldn't do that with any guy!)
good luck!!
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