A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing a guy for 5 months and everything has been great until now. He's asked if he can have some space as he's got some problems he needs to resolve - basically he's he is beginning the proceeds of a divorce from his ex wife. He's also got other things to sort such as transferring things into her name such as the mortgage and bills etc. We got together for a chat on Friday night and he said he is crazy about me and loves me but at the moment he isn't giving me his all and that its down to these problems he has to get through. Although he wants space he said its not a break up and we are very much still a couple. He wants to give me his full focus and said he can't do that at the moment and that its not fair on me. He said things will be great between us when he gets his problems out the way and that I'll look back with him and say yes that was the best thing to do at the time. I respect what he has said and agreed to it, but the thing is, is he being honest or is the relationship going to end?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2010): Its difficult to tell but most lean toward a loved one when going through a hard time. He seems to be reacting in the opposite way which is rather unusual. As his divorce could take up to 2 years, even more if its contested, he might have to revise his decision to have "space". If not you will never see him. Not trying to detract from his problems but people go through far worse things than divorce proceedings and still manage to have a relationship. Id look a little deeper into his reasons for wanting "space". Its all very well painting a picture of the future with you and how rosy it will be once hes done. But if he is spinning you a yarn, you could be kept on a back burner for ages until you find out. The thing that bothers me is, hes not prepared to share the bad times with you. Thats unusual in that we always want to be there for our loved ones when things get tough. And our loved ones usually want us around. Look into things further, i have a feeling there are things hes not telling you. And i think you feel that too.
A
female
reader, Tigerlily  +, writes (14 February 2010):
Your BF is separated and just now getting divorced? That's a tough situation for him emotionally. His relationship with his wife may be over, but now he has to deal with the fallout from that. The legal stuff brings all the emotional stuff to the surface. All the feelings of failing and the lost dreams and hopes etc. In my experience most of the time a woman stays in a relationship until she is completely done... then she moves on. A man doesn't really process anything until it's all over. So I think it's a bit harder for them. My GF's and I have a rule that divorce needs at least a good year before they are ready for a new relationship.
If he wants some space right now the best thing you can do is give it to him. It's possible he's not ready for a relationship right now... but didn't want to be lonely. Or you two could come out of it okay. But def give him the space he's asking for.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (14 February 2010):
 Calm down. Divorce is a long and complicated process. Let him concentrate on what he has to do. A phone call each night would be reassuring. Why would he want to end things when he's looking forward to having a great relationship with you? You have nothing to worry unless he is still in love with his ex.
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