A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years, we live together and I feel that he is my best friend. We trust each other and rarely argue about much.However recently I've noticed that during long spells of sadness (I've not been diagnosed with anything but I have a lot of self esteem issues and I worry a lot) that he distances himself from me. One of my friends died at Christmas and while I was grieving he made a tinder account (a dating app thing) and didn't tell me, later on when we spoke about it he told me because I was sad he was having some self esteem issues he had made it. We moved past that and it was agreed that the Tinder account would be deleted.More recently I am being bullied by someone at work (a manager who I am assistant to) and recently had a pregnancy termination which was emotional for me, my boyfriend supported me through that but naturally there are weeks of repercussions. I have come home crying most days over the past 2 weeks and he is distancing himself from me again.Normally whenever he comes home from work I stop what I am doing to greet him and make sure he is okay and that he has had a good day. even though I am sad at the moment I am keen to be in his company because he makes me happier. However when I come home he is glued t his computer and won't come off unless I ask him to. We've spoken about it before and he's told me that if I want to hang out just to tell him, but is it right that I should always have to ask? I'm becoming lonely at the same time I am having problems at work, because I don't feel like he is supporting me.There's a girl at work more than 6 years younger than him who won't stop messaging him (I'll call her Jenny for the moment), he says she's really pushy and that he have more or less stopped talking to her because she keeps saying really suggestive things to him and throwing herself at him. I have been on my own all weekend and when he told me last night that he had plans to have some drinks with some girls from work. I asked him if he was forgetting if he had already made plans (because he told me in the middle of the week that he was planning on meeting his best friend for her birthday) and he said 'Oh I was going to meet Jenny but that was before she went weird on me last week.'Obviously he hasn't told me about this and dropped himself in it last night, but now I am upset because it might explain why he is being so distant and absent minded, and his phone keeps going off all the time, and when he's not glued to the computer he's glued to his phone.He hasn't told me anything about meeting this girl who clearly is only interested in one thing from him. When I reminded him about his meetup with his best friend he insisted that he had to go to that, despite knowing no details about it and forgetting completely. It's left me wondering if he plans to see his best friend at all.He's angry with me right now because I got upset that we are spending (yet again) no time together even though we mutually have an evening off, and I want to talk to him about how I am feeling about this girl but I don't think he wants to. He's getting really defensive about the fact that he isn't spending time with me and doesn't see the point in talking about it any more. Should I be worrying?I tell my boyfriend everything, and while he is bad at communicating he said he'd try and improve. I'm worried he is going to start lying to me or something worse if we don't talk. I'd love your opinions.
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at work, best friend, bullied, christmas, girl at work, self esteem Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (14 June 2015):
 I think he is being UNFAIR in reaching out to other women when YOU are not doing good. THAT is NOT a good excuse that YOU were sad, so he got on Tindr, I mean WTF?
On the other hand YOU need to learn to RELY on other people for support NOT just him, because HE can not/will not deal with it. He has TOLD you to tell him to get off the computer and spend time with you... YOU want him to DO that on his own, he won't. So keep asking.
Expecting him to be your "couch" and "counselor" might be more than he can handle.
I hope you have a HR department where you can talk to someone about the bullying. THAT is not OK.
And I would suggest if you recently had a termination that you talk to your doctor and get a referral to a counselor or you will have to try and deal with it for years, so why not get counseling with someone who can help you?
And also DON'T rely on your BF to be your SOLE "entertainment" and "feel good" person - GO out with friends. Spend time with friends.
As for his LATEST "girl episode" she is being inappropriate, YET he is going for drinks with her? He is on the computer WITH her? So it's NOT just her, it's not ONE SIDED.
I think you two are getting to a point where you are growing apart as well?
Talk to him. Figure out if this is really what you want. A guy who can't support you emotionally, and who uses that as an excuse to flirt with others.
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