A
female
age
51-59,
*ees
writes:I'm heartbroken, I've driven the man I cherish away, we have been together nearly 2 years, he told me he was seperated, i thought it was strange he never wanted me to meet his family and he always hid my things when his friends came to stay, he said he'd asked his wife for a divorce but later in conversation he said he didnt because it would cost him financially, he said she couldnt find out about me, this caused lots of infuriating rows as my ex partner showed me off to the highest point last year my friend said he was taking me for a fool and this had gone on for long enough.She called her and gave her my number, I told her who I was and how long we had been together and that he wanted a divorce, she sounded totaly shocked even though they were seperated, they had agreed not to find someone else and that he'd asked to try again lots of times, also he sent her cards for anniversary and asked to go to the carribean, which he does actually say he'd loved to be there, I know that she is capable of lying as she told my partner I'd said something which was totaly untrue but he left me for a few days and said id hurt her in the way she found out, he also said he would tell her it was a bitter revenge from a work colleague, his theory too this was that she could get him on adultry and it would cost him a lot more money even though his kids are 20 and 21, they have just sold there house and i asked him to do as he promised and get divorced. Now he said he will wait until there 2 year official seperation is up as this will be cheaper! Can you please advise me if this is true and your views if you think its me he loves or his wife!Also while filling a questionaire on the internet the question about his marital status came up single married divorced or widowed, he ticked married... when i asked him why he said well technically i am do you think that i went over the top as since then ive done nothing but ? him cause rows and and told him to go buti really do love him dearly and just want to know and feel im his only one.I know i have gone on a bit with my last question but i just want to add i did something very bad but it was to protect him really and as silly as it sounds i was thinking of his seperated wife but im still finding it very bitter , i dont want to make him come acrross as a bad man because hes not but last year i had to have an operation on my leg the first time he left me to go collect a new car which i could handle the second time he went to his ex wifes grandads funeral, but before that i had a really bad time with a miscarrige , i didnt realise i was pregnant as im generally very precise with the pill , but i didnt tell him as he said he was stressed , but if im honest i felt like i didnt have any rights to tell him as hes not hundred per cent mine , i blurted this out a few weeks ago in a huge row and i think im still angry that he left me and my emotions had to be put on hold , basicly i feel like im the second choice and alll he says is i keep going over the same thing over and over , i wish he would see im still hurting
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anniversary, cheap, divorce, ex-wife, heartbroken, his ex, money, my ex, revenge, the internet, the pill Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): how much more lies an inconsistencies do you want before you realise the truth about him. you are indeed his 2nd choice. he still wants his wife, therfore he hasn't divorced her. you see cheating MM love having their bit on the side as well as their wives. this man's the same.can you even tell the difference whether he tells the truth or is lying - he is so convincing and you just lap up he lies. it is convenient for you and him. this man will not stop, you make it so easy for him. and you just accept all the shit fed to you. either he is one convincing liar or you are just a sad fool. plse wake up and smell the coffee- this man is at it with you and his wife. he is stringing you along. now that you know the truth what will you do. if you just continue well then you only have yourself to blame. you know what to do. the question is, will you. and plse don't bring the love aspect into why you are still with this MM.
A
female
reader, 48years  +, writes (22 May 2009):
 Sweetheart, you already know the truth and it hurts like hell. You are the second choice, and he won't ever marry you. The fun for him is having you all besotted for him and still keeping his wife. This man is a creep who has lied to both of you. Both of you should ditch him.
He doesn't deserve either of you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2009): The more you stay with this man, the more ridiculous the lies will become, the more he will evade you and think of ways to dodge both you and his wife and the more heartbroken you will get. What are you waiting for?
If I were you I'd tell him that YOU want a separation from him. Tell him to sort out his priorities. Clearly you are not happy with being second best. Here's something that I'm going to tell you and even though it's going to be hard to hear, its true: If he really cared for you and wanted to be with you, then he would have found a way to already. It is not THAT difficult to get a divorce, and, if he cared for you at all, he would have the decency to let you know *exactly* what was going on with him and his ex/wife, not lie to both of you.
You were wrong not to tell him about your miscarriage, but I sense that you knew deep down that you couldn't trust him, either. Maybe, you were better off not becoming a mother with this man's child right now. And until he commits to you and you alone, you don't owe him anything.
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