A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear All,Hi, I am still being confused about the situation. About the European guy who said "I love you" but never introduce anyone in his life to me....over 2 years.One day, he sent me criticism email without any sign.He said "I am TOO old, I am terrible "far right wing" (I have no idea where this idea comes), I had emotional up down once about his stories of Mid-age European and young Asian girls couple in the country where he lives as hystery.It hurt me so much. (** Actually when he talks about all the time these European who want to have just sex and the Asian girls want to have visa and money where he lives now: despite I am NOT in this situation like he said,I started to hear his mumbling "I doubt you because you are an ASIAN TOO" and I begged to stop mumbling and tell me what bothers him but he never admited any problems**)I told him, "I am very sorry what I did, and try to handle myself better with your advice". I didn't want to bring myself into the stupid cat fights with him.Then he turned his attitude towards to me.He said he is very sad and lonely because I was the first one who accepted as I am and also he wants to hear what I am doing. ..He finally called me and acted as if there was NOTHING between us. Talking like we used to be. Suddenely, he said "I didn't mind to bring to my home town, you meant you wanted to meet my mother and friends like I wanted to meet your family and friends don't you?" ...He used to say "Schedule doesn't much" and gave me very cold rejection to this issue as if he has something hide or I am not a real girlfriend to show his family.I said "Yes there was no meaning apart from what you said"He said "My mother really wished to meet you"I was scared to ask him what he wants but I did.He said "Wonderful 2 years, wonderful person, I cannot leave from you. I want to be your best friend forever"I felt so bad. I do not "LIKE" somebody who is in long distance, different nationality, language culture etc. I "DO" love him.I told him I don't want him to treat me as a convinient girl.His answer made me astonish. "I do not mean I am searching another relationship or girl. I want to stay with you. I do not want you to search boys too. I am not calling you to ask you get a new boyfriend or not"....I had to say "Please call me if you love me, but otherwise I could get confuse"He said "OK I will not call or write you if it is your intention" ...there is no contact since then.I am lest as hurt, confused and cannot recoginize what happened to us.My questions are following.1) Is his attitude called as "Commitment phobia"?2) is he telling me some lies (Like cheating or not)3) He was very anxious about pregnancy, asked many times wether I will be emotionl or not and asked me all the time...is this a sign of something??4) He also asked me so many times when we will be mid-age, I will kick him out because I will think kids are more important than him...to me it sounds too much thinking. What can I do?5) Am I the only one who believed his love?6) Is there any way to recover this situation?7) what I can do to change myself better?Thanks a lot
View related questions:
best friend, long distance, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questiondear Ms.India;)
Thanks.
Indeed he wanted to meet my family and friends.
Most of the time he came to see me and so many contacts from him every day. Also cleary talking about "furture"
He also said he wants to come to my country to work and live with me.
BUT!!!!! I cannot live somebody whom I never met his family or friends also never see hometown even I love him
He told me every his family and friends know about me.
Seems it wasn't a lie. But I wanted to feel real.
It was too rushing for him??
I saw his family, friends, even relative's photos so many times.
However, When the issue vacation in his country to visit his family, he started to excuse like "my hometown is poor" "Schedule is not match, I myself comes back once a year only" etc...
Didn't he recginize this problem as serious?
Maybe he is a commitment phobia, thought doesn't matter what he is. I felt it is not fair that he comes access my life freely but he never allows me to access his life.
Did you meet his family?? Hope you live happily ever after!!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010): Hey,
I am an Asian girl.I am in love with an European boy.To be more precise,I am from India and he is from UK.
We are both around 25.We met online and then in person after having a long distance relationship for over a year.To be honest,I had my doubts about our relation in the beginning.The only reason was the distance.
But he was the one who told me that he wants me and wants to start a family.He said it after a few months of being together...7-8 months after we met.Both of us knew we had a future together.We are getting married soon.He moved to India since I am still studying.
If a guy truly loves and wants you then he will tell you clearly.Don't waste more time/energy on this man.You need someone who is loving,caring,confident and respectful.Someone who would anything to make you smile.Someone who loves you in all ways.
Good Luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear Ask oldersisterthank you!!!Everything is convincing to me...specially the way he leads to the ends...so irresponsible,how could mature guyact like him? I feel so bad now.Sounds he is a real commitment phobia isn't he?He told me he has no time to date with anyone and also have no chance in the country where he lives now...I don't really know he was cheating or not...seems he was faithful but canbe ?? in the end he "changed" girl from me to another..I wonder what the difference between he is not read yet and commitment phobia which sounds real mental issue??
...............................
|
