A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend now for 8 months. I am really in love with him and he says he is me too. I have never been this happy apart from one thing that is really bothering me.He is 10 years old than me - he's 38. He was once married but only with his wife for 4 years (including dating her). He left her to be with someone he worked with at the time. All this happened when he was in his 20s. When I asked why he left he said that she changed when she had his son, she started to speak to him like a four year old and was extremely bossy and domineering - in short he fell out of love with her.Then, the one he left his wife for suddenly turned round and said (after 3 years together) that she would never love his son, they'd never be a family and that she just saw his child like a random stranger in the street. He said this broke the relationship down and they split a year later. Since then (that ended 8 years ago) he has been in a couple of short-term-ish relationships lasting from 6 months to a year. The one girl he was with a year, he actually lived with but left her because she was also very jealous of his son. When I asked if he loved her he says "Looking back no, but I thought I did at the time". I am really really concerned that he is a serial cheater and can't get it out of my head that he may do it to me eventually. Do all people that cheat eventually go on to do it to everyone? He says the girl he left his wife for was (towards the end of the relationship when they were rowing all the time) sleeping with people behind his back. This is always his defence mechanism, whenever I say "Do you think what you did was right" he just says "No, but I've had it done to me"Am I wrong to be in a relationship who's history I know is this bad? In every other way he is so good to me. He's never let me down, always puts me first, includes me with his family and is kind and caring. So I am so confused and worried if I should bail now before I end up with the same fate as his exes.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008): Thanks a lot for your advice and comments.
There was one thing I sort of left out though - when I met him he had a girlfriend and finished with her for me. The reason being is again, he wasn't happy (other people have verified this) and she too was extremely jealous of his son- she used to create a bad atmosphere on the weekends he saw his son so much so that he had to keep the two seperate. He says he would have left her eventually anyway but I gave him the "push" he needed.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (28 February 2008):
 His records maybe bad but you cannot judge him on that.Maybe all those women were not his type. You can only assess him on the present.
As long as he is doing the right thing with you , you should feel OK. What happened in the past , cannot be altered. You will have to live with that.
What matters to you is now and you should not think too much about his past or it will affect or influence your thoughts and actions.
What you fear may come to pass.
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