A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have met the most incredible guy. He has a beautiful soul - kind, caring, intelligent, honest and selfless. He has impeccable manners such as opening doors for me, etc. I don't feel physically attracted to him totally yet, however when we get talking I tend to forget about this and feel like I am really connecting with him. He also has a cracking smile that makes his eyes sparkle. He has a lovely voice that I could listen to all day. We talked solidly for 5 hours on our last date and it didn't seem awkward at all. He works in a profession I greatly admire and find very attractive (uniformed - mmmm!), and he is financially very secure. He also hasn't launched himself at me yet, which makes a change from most men I have been out with. However, he seems clumsy and awkward at times (maybe nerves?) and his physical appearance is not one that I find attractive and he is slightly older than the man I hoped to be with and he lives abit in the past, but is it possible to get over these things?I feel that he could be a once in a lifetime find as he is virtually everything I am looking for in a man, but is it possible to overlook those superficial things? I am trying to overcome my desire for that initial chemistry/spark. I had that with my last two boyfriends and both relationships fizzled out and they didn't always treat me as good as they could have done (maybe I'm attracted to the bad boy). I am trying to challenge my boundaries (does it really matter if this guy is clumsy, awkward, and that I not totally attracted to his physical appearance yet? etc) as I think this man is such a catch otherwise!I know that there is no such thing as the totally perfect package in a guy, but I am prone to indecision and just don't know what to do! I am so confused at the moment. I want to get together with him for the right reasons (so I challenge myself by saying 'if he wasn't in this profession that I find so attractive/wasn't financially stable, would I want to be with him then?' I need your advice guys. Thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2010): Go for it. he sounds like a great guy. remember no guy is perfect! so you choose: a gorgeous guy with no respect for you or a not so attractive guy with a good heart?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2010): We're all going to get old/fat/ugly at one stage... or all three... If you find him a catch regardless then I say you should give it a shot. His clumsiness/awkwardness will only lessen as he becomes more comfortable around you. But that's just an optimistic 26 year olds opinion. Best of luck :)
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (4 April 2010):
 Chemistry, or lack of it, is not a superficial thing that you can overlook.
If you don't fancy him now, you won't ever truly fancy him.
If you're happy to be in a relationship where you don't find the guy sexy, that's fine. Some women are, because of the other advantages. But one day you may hate him for it.
Personally I would not go into a relationship with a guy I didn't fancy. The chemistry is what keeps you together, and physical/sexual joy of intimacy is pretty important.
Why don't you just have him as a friend? And no, I don't think you would like him so much if he wasn't rich and in a uniform. Because what you actually like about him are his manners, his situation in life, and the fact that he is easy to get along with (and likes you). This isn't the basis for a sexual relationship (well, not for an honest one).
You would be getting together with him so you could feel secure, safe, loved and pampered. You would also be making a conscious decision to have sex and physical closeness with a guy you don't fancy - ie, lying to him. I don't think that's great, but if you don't mind, I imagine he certainly wouldn't.
My advice: no, no way on Earth - don't do it. Have him as a friend only.
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