A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my ex and I are friends. our break up is nearly 2 and a half year ago. we were friends when I was with his best friend (we broke up nearly 2 montgs ago now I am single) and still we are friends although he started a relationship recently. OK when I was with this other guy my ex sometimes wrote me and he was often flirty and once he made a strange remark which seemed like he would like to have me back. after the break up we had a kind of date and he seemed like he was in love with me but I know he was making out with another girl since months (now he is with her) and he didn't tell me that he has a girlfriend now until I asked him straight away. he said he would have prefered it that I don't know it because he doesn't want something in our relationship to change and he said his girlfriend knows we write a lot and that wouldn't change and that he needs my friendship to be happy. I want him back but he doesn't know (I said if he was happy with her I wpuld be happy for him) and I said if it was okay for her then I agree that nothing about our friendship changes (we write a lot on Facebook but hardly ever see each other). now I was wondering what would be best stay friends or not?if we stay friends: he wouldn't miss me but he also wouldn't forget methere would be no need that he leave her because he has me and heri might probably lead to jealousyprobably he sometimes think she would be a better girlfriend (when I was in an relationship and he wrote me all these points happened to me)if I let it fade so that we are probably official friends but we don't have contact: he would probably think I don't care about him (I would have thought this if he had not written me when I was with the other girl)he might miss me or he forgets me...so what should I do? friendship yes or no? if not should I write him on Christmas or on his birthday?actually there is no male with who I was friends with who didn't fell in love with me...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2011): He has a girlfriend now, your still in-love with him, then I would say it's not the best idea to stay friends. It's going to hurt you time and time again. About 18 months ago I was facing the situation that the man I loved (he knew how I felt though) got a girlfriend. I was honest with him and told him that "I needed to take some time away from the friendship so that I could get over my feelings for him, and that I was happy for him and wished him the best. I would contact him and be friends with him when I was ready if at that time he still wanted to be friends". I didn't contact him and did everything I could to get over him. $ months later he contacted me, I spoke to him reluctantly, and he told me that he had been single for 2 months and had been doing a lot of thinking about his life, and that he wanted to be with me. He worked to show me he was serious about me, and after some time we became a couple and have been happily together for just over a year. He realised that I wasn't going to just hang around waiting for him because I showed that to him by leaving, so he did something about it. I am not saying it always works out this way, it doesn't, but you have take care of yourself and if he is meant to be yours, he will realise it and you will be together. Don't wait around or let him have you and his relationship just because you love him. Move on and it may give you both a chance to find out whether you and he are meant to be together. Good Luck.
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