A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey! So me and my boyfriend had sex for the first time 7 days ago. It hurt really bad and afterwords i went to the bathroom and was bleeding a lot. It soon stopped and we did it again the same day and it felt better. I stopped bleeding and could just enjoy it. The next time he came over yesterday it was like i was losing my virginity all over again. It hurt like hell and i bled just as bad as the first time. Is my body just not use to it? Does him being rough with the situation have anything to do with it? It just confused me. My friend says if It happens again when we do it i should see a doctor. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (16 April 2012):
 It sounds like the problem is twofold. One, why is your boyfriend treating you roughly if he knows it's your first time? What kind of horrible jerk does that?
Second, your vagina doesn't change after you have sex for the first time other than the hymen tearing. It's possible you didn't fully get through the hymen the first time and that was the cause of the blood. But the pain shouldn't be there. Pain isn't necessary for losing your virginity, because again, it's not as though your vagina becomes stretched after you lose your virginity. It sounds like you weren't turned on enough. When you are turned on your body produces lubricant and your whole vagina expands. It is a pretty dramatic thing, some people go from it being tight around even one finger to able to accommodate a whole fist easily.
To make sure you are turned on enough, get close to or have an orgasm before sex. If you can't get to that point together, you shouldn't be having sex yet. Buy some good lube (don't buy the cheapest kind, it's sticky and unpleasant) so that even if you're nervous/anxious everything will go "smoothly."
Again though, your boyfriend SHOULD NOT be behaving roughly especially with someone inexperienced. He should be going slowly and checking that you're OK. Also he should not try to shove it in in one go. It will help if he just very slowly goes in a far as is comfortable for you (zero pain), meaning let him know when to stop, and then just sit there or moves around a small amount. Your body will get the message to relax and "open up." Then he can keep doing that in small increments until he's fully in and it shouldn't hurt at all. If it hurts at all, he's going too fast.
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