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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I just re-broke up with my now ex. We were together from 2006 to 2010, and had many problems throughout the relationship because of "my past". It wasn't that bad, I was a virgin until I met him, only that before being with him, I had some fun with a friend to whom I gave "half a BJ" ('cause he didn't get to finish), and I also made out with a couple of strangers. But none of them did anything sexual to me, none of them touched me, let alone penetrate me! He was the first and only to have ever done any of that to me.Now, he wasn't a virgin and had a lot more experience than I did. In the beginning we didn't have problems, but once he found out about my "friend" ('cause he asked me!), he wanted to know everything and he became jealous, controlling, manipulative and even cruel. I was no longer to be trusted, according to him, so I could not have male friends, or go out, and he disliked even my female friends at the time. So I became a real "goodie two shoes", but he kept making me feel bad about my past. Like a year after our problems started I found out that he was still friends with his ex, the one he lost his virginity to, and who cheated on him and made him suffer so much that he literally almost killed himself. I hated her, and he stopped talking to her.We kept having issues, until last year I broke up with him. he promised to change, and after almost a year, I took him back like a month ago. From before we got back together he knew I had some new friends (males included) and that I still kept contact with that "friend" he hated so much. He knew about it, I didn't lie about it, HE KNEW FULLY! So I assumed that if he wanted me back, it meant he accepted me and all those situations and that there would be no more issues. Mistake on my part.So I hadn't been talking to the "friend" lately, but last night I liked his status on Facebook. My (now ex) boyfriend flipped, and told me that why did I have to pay so much attention to the friend, blah blah... he said that it was only "fair" that he added his ex and other girls on Facebook, since I made it seem like it was no big deal to be friends with people you have a history with. Now I flipped and we broke up.I didn't feel bad about his friendship with the ex. Sure, I hate her. But if he had added her just 'cause he wanted a genuine friendship with her, sure, no big deal. But that wasn't the case. He added her because he wanted to get even with me. Or something like that. I hate vindictive people, I told him I wouldn't accept vindictive behavior, but he went ahead and added her, claiming that if I did something, then he'd do something to get even, etc.I feel like crap now, and feel like maybe I overreacted, but I don't think so, I mean, why the need to "get even"? He's always been like that and I hate it, it's like if I go out and he gets upset, then he must go out, etc. If I'm friends with my "ex" (which I don't consider my friend to be), then he has to be friends with his ex... they haven't talked to each other for over 6 years, why would he suddenly want to be her friend if not to make me feel bad?I don't know how to deal with this, and I feel a bit guilty, I know he loves me, and I love him, but I just dislike this so much, and I don't know if I can or should forgive his vindictive behavior.
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female
reader, delhipafc  +, writes (21 March 2011):
dude...looks to me like this guy is a douche, i agree with the above answer. he seems over-possessive and beyond all things, a chauvinist.somebody who controls you and curbs your independence is definitely not worth the trouble..i know it will take time..but it would be better if you get over it asap..personally, i had a relationship of about a year and a half where i started talking to my childhood sweetheart (we'd been neighbors till we were 14, when he moved to the states, we got back in touch on facebook and started talking everyday,it brought some old feelings back) even though nothing happened, my boyfriend got wind of this and started disrespecting me. he even went to the extent of saying "get lost or i'll break a bottle on your head" when i went to talk to him about it.i took it for a while, but his possessiveness and insecurity just kept rising..and then i couldn't take it anymore so i dumped him.he started stalking me after that and i had to get a restraint order against him.!!!its a crazy mixed up world, trust me...and we are better off without these kind of guys any day. just look back on it as a mistake that made you learn something. :) cheers!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): I hate to be the bearer of bad news.. but this dude is a genuine douchebag. He is controlling and treats you like property. There is no reason to stay with him. It is an abusive relationship, even if he doesnt lay a finger on you. Its not good for you, my dear. I hate to say that you are just blinded. Please open your eyes, you deserve much better. The sooner you move on, the better.
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