A
male
age
41-50,
*arl_78
writes:hi,i have a long distance relationship for 19 months.i m 29 living in spain and she s 23 in canada.we met by internet when she was in usa for studies.during this time there,our relation was excellent.we use to speak for hours everyday on msn,phone.we travelled to see each other.even if the distance was huge and that we argued sometimes cause of the situation,we both made the conclusion that our relation was really serious and we projected to live together in 3 years.i m really in love.but since she s back in canada (last august),i feel that things changed.as she s looking for a job there and she lives again with her mother,she became really stressed and her mood bad.she doesn t want anymore to chat on msn and she asked me to speak just 5 minutes per day on phone.she said that doesnt change nothing in between us,that it s a waste of time to speak about same boring things for hours and that there r more important problems than relation.even if i can understand her,this situation starts to be difficult for me cause i wasn t use to that.i told her that i can support her but if time pass by this way,i ll start to be more nervous and to think cause i already miss her and need to feel her more.for sure i won t support 3 years with this rythm.plus i have dicovered from her emails that on februar she chatted with a guy,she met in the street by the way,for 2 months and hang out once.despite i know that nothing happened i didn t appreciate she hidded me about her new friend,as well as,she doesn t trust me anymore cause i spyed her and didn t respect her privacy.anyway we planned to pass together christmas with her family in canada,that i ll met for the first time.i m still relax cause i know i ll see her soon,but i wonder what will happen after.i m scared that if we continue like this,it won t be possible.each time i try to speak with her,she got upset.sometimes it s really hard.what can i expect of this relation?do u think that if we don t meet for 1 year,we ll still be together?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2008): I know what your situation is like, it's really hard doing a long distance relationship. I'm sorry to say it, but it doesn't sound like she cares for you very much. She doesn't want to chat with you, but she chats with another guy, and she supposedly loves you? That is not love. If she cared for you, she would make sure you feel secure and happy-she would make a effort to give you regular communication. And she would not hide chatting with other men from you. I had a relationship with a man long distance who treated me like she is treating you and it confused and hurt me too. Now I am in a good loving relationship with a man who is going to share my future. He makes sure I feel happy and secure. You will find a girl who makes you feel like this too. Best of luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008): hiii
I don't think she is a bad person. She just needs her time.. and for sure You sometimes are a little bit glueglue.. and as I could undersatnd she is just 23. Let her take her time and she will discover by herself how life is!!!
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A
male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (10 October 2007):
After Christmas make a firm time plan with her or walk on.
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A
female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (9 October 2007):
 From what you have said i really don't think your relationship is going any where, especially seen as she has told you 'whats the point of talking for hours about the same boring stuff'.
Me and my husband have been together thirteen years and we can talk for hours and there is no problem finding things to talk about and it's never the same thing all the time.
Maybe it's time to move on, if she can not put as much effort into the relationship as you, is it really worth pursuing?
Take care.xx.
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