A
male
age
41-50,
*uster
writes:My girlfriend of four years kissed a work colleague. We were going through a rough time and it was during this that the kiss occured. A few weeks before the kiss she had told me she wasnt in love with me anymore......... i had threatened to end it a few times and criticised her often. We agreed to try to fix the relationship. A few weeks later she was talking to the colleague about our problems when she kissed him......... days later he tried to kiss her but she pushed him away saying it had been a mistake.She didnt tell me about what had happened and i found out months later through a friend........ i was devastated. She denied it at first but eventually admitted to the kiss. Because of her not telling me..........she had even denied it to my friend behind my back.....it had allowed rumours to circulate that they were having a relationship.........i later found these out to be completely false after much investigation! I myself have been no saint.........i have held hands with and fondled/stroked other women while drunk. I also kept my indiscretions from her. Could anybody put this into some kind of perspective..........is a kiss just a kiss?.......am i a hypocrite or are my feelings justified? Should i get a grip or let go of the relationship?
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male
reader, no_issues  +, writes (30 June 2008):
 First of all, stop calling it your "relationship." That is a trap. Call it your romance, your love-affair, your sex-train, your um-tss-OW-tikka-um-tss-OW, whatever else comes to you -- just not "relationship." A relationship is what you had with someone who is now in a morgue, and you are relating the details as impersonally as possible to the coroner. It is a dead thing.
Now, if you can't bring yourself to call it any of those other things, then there's your answer right there. If you can, then you're still in, and Rule #1 of still being in is: none of the rest of this crap actually matters, so get over it.
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (30 June 2008):
 Hi,
well I'll give you credit for being honest mate.
But her indiscretion sounds a lot more honourable than yours. She made one mistake and regretted it instantly, pushing away the man ( who was probably a good friend ) away the next time . It hasnt happened again by the sounds of it.
But by your own admition you have on more than one occasion pashed up with other women. So it doesnt take a genius to suggest your crimes are way more serious than her one indiscretion.
What you both need to find out is if there is a future between the two of you. You are not really communicating well by the sounds of it, and perhaps the relationship has run its course and neithe of you have the courage to end it.
I guess you need to ask yourself this question: "Do I truly love this woman and want to be with her for the rest of my life" . If the answer is no then you need to go your seperate ways, if the answer is yes, then stop going off with other girls when you get drunk and spend some quality time with your partner instead of going out with mates getting plastered. Instead use this time to repair your relationship, talk to her, does she feel the same way, does she feel that the two of you have a future?
Start communicating and then you will know which way to go
good luck anyway.
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