A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Here is my problem:Anne and I have been best friends for 5 years since junior high school. She started having a boyfriend 3 years ago. I got along with her boyfriend, Dave, too and we became best friends. He went abroad to study. And after 4 months, he started calling me more often and confided in me about many things. Finally he confessed he liked me and considered staying only friends with Anne. However, I did not have that kind of feeling for him and rejected him by clearly stating that I would never ever do any such kind of thing to my best friend. On a stupid night, 1 year ago, I texted Anne if there was anything wrong going on b/w her and her bf, she could always share with me. But she said to me: " I think you know but you just don't tell me". WTH? After that day, she turned her back on me and never spoke to me again. What did I do wrong? All I did was try to tell her lame bf get back to Anne, try hard to bring them back together. We saw occasionally on campus, I smiled at her but she never reacted. She ignored me. I felt terribly bad. She has always been a cheerful and trustworthy friend to me. 2 BFFs turned into Strangers.1 year has passed. They are still together now, which is odd. I don't know anything about them anymore. Even Dave doesn't talk to me now. Anne even told another best friend of ours (we used to be a trio at school) that we were no longer friends but told her to ask me the reason. Seriously, what??? I don't even know why you treat me like this!!! Anyway our friendship was broken. I thought I could live well without her until last night, I dreamt being with her like we used to do, sharing stuff and laughing freely. I'm missing her right now. We had so many memories together...5 years... How can she get rid of me over some stupid boyfriend like that? What should I do now? I'm thinking of writing a letter to her, asking the reason. Maybe I did do something wrong. Maybe my attitude was not approriate towards Dave?? I don't know. Do you think a friend like that, blind and takes my friendship for granted, is worth it? Should I try to move on with my life and get her out of my mind? I feel hard now. I don't even know how to behave when I see her. But time heals everything right, right?Please help me out of this dilemma. This is killing me, literally :(
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male
reader, ithinkheknows  +, writes (21 March 2010):
In my situation we never did. I was the bad guy in the story and I admit, my friend did try to be nice to me. But I wasnt having it. Men usually dont hold anything inside. We just blow it over like it never even happened. But my insecurity is my own failt. After a couple of days when my friend realize the way I was acting - he got the point. I understand. No one want to feel like that.
If I had been willing or just be nicer and dont allow it to bother me - maybe we d be friends still.
Dont worry about accepting apology or not. You can just begin a conversation from nothing. "Hey are going to see that movie?" or something you know she is interested in.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAny more advice would be appreciated, everyone :-) Please tell me what you think, I really need your help :-)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much, Anonymous and Ithinkheknows for taking your time and giving me advice.
@Ithinkheknows: Thanks for telling me ur story. I can feel you. Did you or your friend try calling each other and making up? If not, do you think things would be different if you had done that?
You are right, 1 year... we already moved on and had many new friends. We went to different universities and no longer see each other. I'm not sure if she ever thinks of me like you say... but let's hope she does.
I think maybe I should call her first... But what if she does not respond or say words that would hurt me even more badly? What if after we talk, our friendship is not heal but her relationship w/ Dave breaks too? What if I am really the bad guy in the story, the third person, the bitch one? Will she accept my apology?
I know, I know. I'm a coward, runaway type. But I'm really scared of what may come next. I need more courage to start action...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2010): Sounds like a dilemma. You should call your old girlfriend and invite her to coffee alone so that you can talk with her. Tell her you don't know why she doesn't talk to you anymore and that you miss her. There was obviously a misunderstanding between the two. Talk with her about what her friendship means to you and try to keep Dave out of it.
Take the first step and call your old friend.
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A
male
reader, ithinkheknows +, writes (20 March 2010):
Whoa .Really sound like your in pickle. But your right, time does heal everything. It would just take a while.
I myself have been in similar situations where a friend and I ended our friendship for some stupid rif. But Im usually the "Anne" who started it. And asuming that she didn't tell you why, confirms it.
One of the way one of my frienship ended, for exAmple - was me taking somthing out of context, thinking that friend "suppose" to know me by now, or act a certain way towards. It was my own insecurity getting in way.
And my attitude was, 'if you cross me once, you cross me for life'.
People wont be perfect all the time. Not even your closest friend. However I guessing that you guys manage to go a year without speaking indicates no one has the courage to ask the other 'why'?
Im sure it feels bad for you, and maybe even her. She tries her hardest to ignore so obviously shes hurting the most.
If you feel your dreams with worth to save a broken frienship - do it. Send a text, or email or just have a plesent look on your face when walk byu. Wave if you have too. If she does not respond in any way. Respect that and continue on with your life. Cry and move on.
Who knows what will happen in life.
If you feel like your not suppose to be the one to say something. I say 'hey', sometimes you have to do right to be happy, sometimes you have to believe in what you feel inside.
The choice is up to youn But remember, one hand cannot clap.
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