A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I'm 19 years old and dating a 27 year old guy. We've been dating for a year, ever since I was 18 and he was 26. And everything's fine, no problems here.Recently though, my cousin came and told me that she's dating a 22 year old - and she's 15. And I immediately reacted, told her it was wrong, and that I thought she should stop. She fired back with, "You're a hypocrite. Look at your own age difference."And I think she's right, you know? My age difference is larger than hers (mine is 8 years, hers is 7). And realistically, I'm only 4 years older than her. So who am I to tell her it's wrong?It just doesn't sit right with me I guess. To me, a 15 and 22 year old dating just seems odd and I'm concerned. But I have no right to be concerned because I'm only a teenager dating an older man myself.I feel really torn. I want to give her guidance, but she won't take me seriously because she says I'm being hypocritical. And I probably am. What do you all think?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): Personaly i think if you meet some and your happy and you love them then so be it. It shouldnt matter what colour,religion,or age if your happy then your happy im 16 and dating an older guy and i wouldnt change it for the world he means so much to me and no matter what anyone says i love him. i think she should just be warned that he might break her heart but if she loves him then there is nothing you can do really.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2007): I think that ages 15 and 19 are VERY different. Fifteen should not be dating someone in their 20s and we all know it.
I believe this stuff gets excused partly because the older people talking about it have already done it themselves and they feel hypocritical for bashing it. (Well, nobody mind bashing the older males though. It's because neither grown men's feelings, nor teen girl's irresponsible actions, are taken seriously in this culture.)
But hypocritical or not, most of us know by the time we're into our 20s/30s that this stuff is definitely wrong when we're talking about 15-year-olds. We all need to start owning up to the fact that this should not be tolerated. The sooner we call it what it is, the sooner we get a generation of people who haven't been through it themselves and can bash it with a clear conscience.
(And "bashing it" does not just mean holding it against the older males alone. If teen girls were half as "mature" as they so loudly claim to be, then they could accept some of their own responibility for not letting themselves be used by grown men.)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2007): i think that age shouldn't matter when true love is involved
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2007): i think it is really messed up for a younger girl (15) to go out with a guy that is 21 or 22. that is like saying when the guy was seven, he would come up to his friends and tell them " hey everybody guess what, there was a baby that was just born and i will be goin out with later in my life" i just think it is messed up on so many levels.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007): I do not think your a hypocrite, and I myself am 15. I think that as other people have stated, that in your relationship you were of age and emotionaly stable where as she is underage and probably doesn't know the trouble they could get in, plus the fact that if he's 22 and trying it with a 15 year old girl he probably is not suited for her.Maybe I sound childish when I say this but I would tell her that if she can wait 3 years and/or have graduated high school and they are both still interested in each other go for it but right now its not right and not to do it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2007): I can see where the hypocritical part comes in however, she's 15 and he's 22. What is wrong with the 22 year old guy? He can't find someone at least around his age or older? Is he patrolling the middle school yards? Someone needs to report this guy.
Your part, you just barely made the legal age of becoming an adult.
This guy needs some help.
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (19 May 2007):
 Personally, I think that a 15 year old has no place dating a 22 year old. I've been on and off with someone who is 18, and there's still a different mindset. 15 year olds want to go to school activities, hang out at the mall, or party somewhere. They want high school dating games. I don't see why a 22 year old would even bother. A 22 year old male is looking for a serious commitment. He can't get that from a 15 year old girl. Like someone said above, he will also go to jail if he tries anything sexually.
DV1
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A
male
reader, Jamer70  +, writes (19 May 2007):
 As the others said i dont believe that your being a hypocrite in this situation.
First of all you were 18 at the time you began to date your boyfriend which is an age where you are much more mature emotionally. The 7 year age gap means nothing when both are mature and participating ADULTS.
Your cousin is 15 years old, she is 3 years younger than you, even though its a small gap, she is not emotionally and sexually old enough to have a relationship with a 22 year old man.
You are right to be giving her guidance it sounds like she does need adult guidance in her life and you are right to be giving it to her. Keep talking to her and try and get through to her that shes not old enough and if anything sexual happens he will go to jail.
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (19 May 2007):
 When I was 13 I met a 20 year old man and we both really liked each other and wanted to date. My parents, rightly, said no. The age differance was too great ~ AT THAT TIME. We were 7 years apart, just like your cousin. And when I was 15 and he was 22 (we were still in touch) I would have married him had he asked. But really, at that time I was still a child! I had a lot of growing up to do, and frankly so did he. It would have been wrong ~at that time. Now, however, we reconnected a few years back and have been together for over 2 years! So who is to say things didnt work out?
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (19 May 2007):
 You're not being hypocritical. For a start the situation would be a lot different if she was even 16 but she's not, she's legally still a child. Plus, doesn't it seem kind of creepy and wrong to you that an adult would *want* to date a child? I would imagine that anyone this much older would have to be seriously immature to want to date someone so much younger. Age differences matter less when you get older but they are very relevant at our age. However, despite everything I just said I don't think you should use any of those arguments with your cousin. The truth is that she thinks she knows everything right now, we all do at 15. All you can do is mentor her so that she knows that because he is older he will want different things out of the relationship than her and that she shouldn't feel pressured into doing anything illegal, but that if she wants to that she should talk to you first so you can get her on the pill and advise her about the risks etc.I think you're more likely to get through to her by this way but if you feel it's out of your depth you could always tell her parents (though this could ruin your relationship until she's old enough to understand why you did this)
Good luck, whatever you decide to do.
CD
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